This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
My Friends Pregnant how should i Feel(4 Posts)
My best friend who was a total rock through my miscarriage even more than most of my family has just told me she is pregnant and she wanted me to be the first to know. I know it was difficult for her to tell me but i felt fine. People think i should be upset but i can't be. She will be a fantastic mum and her partner a great dad, it is what they wanted and I am really pleased for them. I don't want what happened to me to to cast a shadow on their celebrations and have spoken about this to my friend she is a true friend and having taken the time to be there for me knows I am happy for her...... But what I am feeling is that mutual friends are not acknolowdging her pregnancy to me and seem to be trying to shield it from me to save my feelings. They think I am being flase when I say I'm pleased for her,
Is this normal??? Will people treat me like a I have a problem with pregnant people for ever???
Just want to be treated normal and regardless what people think I am looking forward to being Aunti Di and having babysitting duties. I love my friend and her partner and wish them every happiness.
Hope some of you have felt like this and have some advice.
I had no problem being around pregnant friends (many of whom were so kind to me after my stillbirth) and none of them did with me either. But I think this *is* quite common, Dyzzidi - especially amongst those who are not the pregnant ones themselves IYSWIM. They think they are being helpful...it does wear off as time passes, if that helps.
You sound like you both have such a strong and warm friendship! Lucky both
everyone reacts differently to miscarriage - your mutual friends are probably just being wary. You have to set the tone and hope they follow your lead.
It is great news for your friend. Hopefully it will be your turn soon.
I experienced the same feelings myself when I had a miscarriage last year. I felt a bit 'killed by kindness' if that makes sense? My work sent me flowers - a really nice gesture, but every time I saw them I wanted to cry, a friend sent me a book, again a really nice gesture but I just got back from holiday, and I had been feeling a bit more positive and was brought crashing down to earth, and friends I knew who were pregnant or had just had babies, I felt acted like I was about to steal their child! I know they didn't really but in my paranoid state that's what I thought they thought. My advice is that it does pass. I knew that I was able to grieve for my loss whilst being happy for their gain. I didn't covet their babies, I just missed my own. You know that, and they will start treating you normally soon. All the best x