Stillbirth at 39 weeks

(70 Posts)
Cozzor Tue 09-Oct-07 11:58:02

My DD was stillborn at 39 weeks on the 21st September. She was due to be born by elective section at 9am that morning but I went into labour during the night before. We went to the hosital, excited and just expecting to have the section a couple of hours earlier. I had felt her move happily the night before at 10pm while I was having a bath. When we arrived at the hospital, the midwife tried to listen into her heartbeat but could not find it. I was not too perturbed as she said the baby could be in an awkward position so she got a mobile scanner unit out and called a doctor. The Doctor spent some time looking at the scan and asked the midwife to call the consultant in from home. At this point I started to panic and the doctor told me she thought the baby had died. When the consultant came in from home, he confirmed it. Our whole world collapsed from that moment.

Things are still very raw, we had Emily's funeral on Friday which was incredibly hard. I have a 2 and three quarter year old son who is a blessing but I do find it hard being around him sometimes as I look at him and just have a feeling of such imense sadness when I think what could have been with Emily - I will never know her as I know my son now. Has anyone else who has lost a baby but already has a child felt that?

All I can think about, even at this very early stage, is getting pregnant and I have been told I have to wait at least 3 months, mainly due to the section scar. Reading some previous postings is making me panic that even when we do start trying, it might not happen for us. I am 35 and worried about this too. Getting pregnant really is the first thing I think of in the morning and my last thought at night and then I feel guilty that I am obsessing about this rather than concentrating on my grief for Emily which is overwhelming but I feel that at least when I am thinking about TTC, I am not drowning in the gut-wrenching grief I feel.

I also have to wait for the post-mortem results but have been warned that they are unlikely to find a cause - I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing.

I still live in the hope that I will wake up and it's time to go and have Emily as planned and this has all been some nightmare................

OP’s posts: |
AnAngelWithin Tue 09-Oct-07 12:00:59

i have no experience but i just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss. Sleep tight little Emily sad

MrsBoo Tue 09-Oct-07 12:03:39

So sorry for you - same thing happened to my best friend with her first baby (and I was pregnant with my first at the time).
Hope you keep strong and come through this nightmare.

CarGirl Tue 09-Oct-07 12:05:22

I am very sorry to read of your loss I can only begin to imagine your devastation.

No direct experience but have a few friends who have been through this. They have all gone on to have 1,2 or 3 more healthy babies. To be desperate to TTC is very normal and usual response and there is nothing wrong with it.

Some of them are now 17/18 years on, they have never forgotten but the raw grief has faded.

I'm sure SANDS will have some very good resources and lots of contacts of people who have been where you are and able to be good sounding board.

bossykate Tue 09-Oct-07 12:06:49

i am very very sorry for your loss sad

Pixiefish Tue 09-Oct-07 12:07:49

so sorry for your loss xx

Hulababy Tue 09-Oct-07 12:09:14

I am so sorry to hear about your baby. Take care of yourself and please accept all the help you can get.

Sleep well little Emily x

supperwoman Tue 09-Oct-07 12:10:01

I'm so sorry for your loss and all your feelings are perfectly normal - ttc is your way of coping and hope for the future please do not feel guilty - I wish you luck and hope it happens soon for you. You have a life time to grieve for Emily do it at your own time at your own pace, another baby will not diminish that yet might make coping easier.
As for trying to conceive past 35 I am pg with no 2 at 36 (37 soon) and it took us 2 cycles.

ToadieG1 Tue 09-Oct-07 12:14:42

I am so sorry for your loss, cannot begin to imagine what you are going through.

Screaminglips Tue 09-Oct-07 12:17:01

im so sorry to hear about Emily sad xxx

Dropdeadfred Tue 09-Oct-07 12:18:04

So sorry for your loss - don't feel bad about wanting to be pregnant, you are grieving for Emily and trying to take away the pain by filling the huge gap she has left is natural and understandable.

God bless Emily.

HonoriaGlossop Tue 09-Oct-07 12:25:54

Cozzor, what a brutal, cruel experience. I'm so sorry for the loss of Emily.

The thoughts of getting pregnant sound a good way of helping just now - giving you a focus and enabling you to look forward. I think that's great and it's probably a natural defence mechanism the mind creates. I'd allow yourself those thoughts and don't feel bad about it for a minute.


MillyH Tue 09-Oct-07 20:55:23

Coz, I am so so sorry. I know there is nothing I can do to make the world seem right, and the pain less fierce but please believe I am there for you. I lost my little boy 3 weeks ago on the same day 21st September, but that was at 22 weeks and I have a medical reason. I can only begin to imagine how horrible it must be for you.

I'm the same. Everytime I look at my little girl, I get the thrill of love that I feel for her, but I am so sad that she won't have and know the little brother that should have been hers. Sad that she can never have the brother only 20 months apart as it should have been. I watched my husband playing with a friends little boy at the weekend and cried inside for the son he'd never get to know. Something I read summed it up for me "everytime you look you can see the big whole in your family, that other people can't see". I don't know if this is what you are feeling but this is how it is for me.

I also felt a desperate raging urge to get pregnant for the first week to 10 days. I so wanted to be pregnant tomorrow, immediately, now! I still do want to be pregnant, quickly, but some of that desperate raging urge has faded. I now feel capable of waiting the 6 weeks I need on high dose folic acid. I hope the rage fades for you and becomes more managable.

I haven't sorted out my profile thing but will have a go so you can e-mail direct if you feel like it.

Here's remembering our beautiful little babies. A kiss for Emily from me.

NoNameToday Wed 10-Oct-07 10:39:41

Dear Cozzer,

The sadness of losing your child seems unbearable and only time will help to heal the pain. It doesn't take it away, just makes it a little less sharp and raw.

Please talk about Emily with family and friends, I know people tend to shy away from talking in an attempt to spare you and them pain.

Open your heart on here and there will always be someone ready to listen.

kitsandbits Wed 10-Oct-07 10:43:07

so, so sorry

winnie Wed 10-Oct-07 10:58:56

Cozzor, I am so sorry

WillyWooooaaaahnka Wed 10-Oct-07 11:22:09

Cozzer, I'm so very, very sorry to hear your news about your darling Emily sad. Our dd2 was sb at 35 wks on 28 August last year with the subsequent post mortem was unable to identify any cause. Though it would have been nice to have a reason, this did reduce the chance of any significant problems in a future pregnancy.

In the weeks immediately after her birth, I remember waking every morning to face the harsh reality of what happened and it was such a kick in the teeth.

Like you, we wanted to try for another baby at the earliest opportunity, it was simply the right thing for us to do. We did wait for the recommended three months but I am now holding my beautiful 11wo dd3 (I'm 36 btw, so hope this allays some of your concerns).

We will never understand why dd2 was not meant to be with us but are able to take consolation in knowing that dd3 would not now be here had she survived.

Dd3 is just stirring so I can't stay on here right now but wanted to post something in the hope that it might be of some help and will make sure to catch up with this thread later.

Thinking of you, your family and your beautiful little girl <<<hugs>>>

MrsWeasley Wed 10-Oct-07 11:24:13

so sorry

RGPargy Wed 10-Oct-07 11:28:23

So sorry for your loss

daisyandbabybootoo Wed 10-Oct-07 11:32:23

I'm so so sorry of your loss sad it must be an unbearably difficult thing to go through.

I know it seems as though filling the void left by emily is the right thing to do, but I would imagine that you really need to give yourself time to grieve for her and also to let your body recover.

Keep talking on here; there is a huge amount of support.

Again, I'm so so sorry that this has happened.


NotAnOtter Wed 10-Oct-07 11:42:44

how terribly sad for you all
I do have friends who this has happened to and know how devastating it is for everyone
try not to worry about getting pregnant - both my friends were older than you and both got pg within a couple of months of being able to try
you must feel in a bubble with the rest of the world carrying on outside that bubble. Just look after yourself and gradually the pain will lessen.
life can be so hard.
lots of love to you and dh and your little boy x

Luella Wed 10-Oct-07 11:48:00

So sorry Cozzor, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. God bless your beautiful daughter Emily.

mammabelleboo Wed 10-Oct-07 11:48:26

So, so sorry - am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks - nothing could be more sad than the news of a lost baby. Agree with daisyandbabybootoo. Give yourself a bit of time.........happy baby times ahead for you but have some space to grieve and mend first? All the hugs I give my little girl today are also for little Emily. Take care, will be thinking of you.

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks Wed 10-Oct-07 11:56:11

Oh, Cozzor!sad What a terrible thing to happen. So very very sorry for your loss.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween Wed 10-Oct-07 11:56:53


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