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How would you explain to a 4yo the concept of "internment of ashes" 2 weeks after a funeral?

(10 Posts)
Waswondering Sun 16-Sep-07 20:29:36

On Saturday, much loved fil's ashes will be interred in his and mil's grave (though mil is very much alive and well and will hopefully remain thus for 30 years to come!).

He died 2 weeks ago and the funeral has been and gone - ds was not there but was aware we were going to church to talk about grandad, and there was no Sunday School, so he couldn't go.

The "internment of ashes" will be closest family only, and miles and miles from where mil and fil live(d). It's back where they started off their marriage and where mil's family are from, so ds will be there.

So. What do I say? A small box of ashes will be buried in the ground - it's not like a full size coffin that is believably grandad!

What do we say to a very curious ds who is currently into "death" in a 4yo way?

Advice would be very gratefully received.

tassisssss Sun 16-Sep-07 20:55:33

man, that's hard, hadn't realised ds was going to be there

no idea what i'd say...maybe grandad didn't need his body anymore because we get new bodies in heaven (cue 3 millions questions about heaven!)then just call it a special service to say goodbye to grandad and thank god for him type thing (and not elaborate on what exactly is being buried)

this might be OK with a 3 year old and possibly some 4 year olds, but i'm guessing your ds will want to know all the details!

cluelessnchaos Sun 16-Sep-07 20:55:50

When my mum died, we told dd1 aged 3 that we were burying grannies spirit, so that we always knew where it was and could always go back to it, didnt mention any of the mechanics of ashes.

Waswondering Sun 16-Sep-07 20:58:07

That's the problem, ds will want to know every last detail!!!!

I am very tempted to ditch him for the day with the folks who looked after him for the funeral and just take 15m dd, who won't ask too many questions.

Who knows!!

tassisssss Sun 16-Sep-07 20:59:14

I'd not take him if you don't have to.

Waswondering Sun 16-Sep-07 20:59:18

But I think mil thinks it's fine to have the 3 gc there (4, 20m and 15m) to provide a life balance to death, iyswim!

Waswondering Sun 16-Sep-07 21:00:26

And on the other hand, it's a v long drive, but will go past the much loved house dh grew up in and dh's primary school, which ds would love to see, and believe me, we won't be back that way intentionally for about 30 years!! It's in the middle of absolutely no-where.

pastilla Sun 16-Sep-07 21:01:49

we're doing the same this sunday but i'm leaving the ds's behind for exactly that reason, it's awkward isn't it? anyhow, even though they didn't go to the funeral, they knew all about it and i feel like they've 'done that' now so they've accepted he's gone and in their minds is buried. i can't face the questions all over again

much sympathy for you loss also

Waswondering Sun 16-Sep-07 21:02:37

(tassis, if your dh has any wisdom in his professional capacity, would be appreciated as our minister is currently overseas!!)

Waswondering Sun 16-Sep-07 21:03:09

Thanks Pastilla - will think about you.

Weird, isn't it?

Hope you're all ok.

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