I don't know whether to go to my fathers funeral...

[Dabbles]

My father died yesterday. so weird to type that. Even weirder to say it. I did not have much contact with him. He spilt from my mother when I was 5. and she had an injunction to stop him coming near us. He was an abusive man. He ... The funeral is saturday. It will be very difficult logistically for me to get there. I only saw him once in the last 18 years. althoguh I spoke to him a couple of months ago... I dont really expect to get the answer here.. i just think i need to write it down... situation complicated....

[fawkeoff]

i think you should do what your heart says.Don't do anything to please anyone else,you dont owe this man anything.Do you think it will help you in any way if you go???

[Dabbles]

i feel like i want to go, on some level, but i dotn know why.

Honestly just feel very confused.

[happystory]

I can't advise you but this is what I feel. I'm somewhat estranged from my father (another long story!) but I do pay him a duty visit about once a year. I've considered this scenario lots of times and decided I would go to his funeral, mainly so I wouldn't regret it afterwards. One of my brothers is close to dad and I also feel I would be going to support him.

But-it depends if it is going to open old wounds, or involve seeing people you'd rather not see

Go with your heart.

[mymama]

I was estranged from my grandmother when she died. I had not seen or spoken to her for 4 years. I didn't know what I felt about it but I went to the funeral. My thoughts were that I would never regret going but I might regret not going.

I think you should go.

[fawkeoff]

well if you fell like you want to go then go.....you will only get one opportunity and wont be able to change your mind once its over

[KaySamuels]

I think you should go if that's what you are instinctively feeling. I am estranged from my dad and all his relatives, but when my grandma died my sister and I felt pulled to go to the funeral. We went and stood on the outskirts of the crowd and sat at the back of the church, but we were glad we went to say goodbye and have closure.

My dad was abusive too, and I would want to go to his funeral for closure.

[CirqueduSoleil]

When my Dad died, I was the only relative still seeing him. But, both my brothers came to his funeral, as did his brother and sister. My aunt felt she had no right to be there - they'd been estranged for some time. For similar reasons to the other posters, she came, too. Actually, so did my Mum - and she'd been divorced from my Dad for 20 years. Written down, it sounds all very odd but it wasn't - everyone did what they needed to.

[Dabbles]

I have decided not to go. money, stress, emotional bullshit.. cant face it.

[Dabbles]

i am finding beer helps with this decidson..

[amateurarsedoctor]

Dabbles, I'm thinking of you.

It's so tough when this happens. I opens up a lot of feelings you may have thought you'd long since burried.

Only you can know what to do. Be strong and go with your heart.

[Dabbles]

ty, its nto getting any easier..