A Mum struggling to cope without her son

[Soxy2154]

So much has happened since the loss of my
darling son, we've had his funeral, which I must admit was the hardest day of my life so far, all my hopes, dreams & aspirations where left behind in the crematorium & i've been left with deep despair, sorrow, heartache & guilt.
I would never wish this on anyone, as I sit here & write this I wonder how i've survived this long, I have had a lot of desperate moments where I could have quite easily ended my life, but I know my daughter needs me here & that isn't an option at the moment.
We had the results back from the autopsy which was inconclusive so the death certificate says death by natural causes (how the fuck is a child dying "natural")
I have started counselling with a specialist in bereavement, it helps so much to talk about my deepest & darkest thoughts without being judged & constantly told "its normal to feel like this"
Me and my friend had a few bottles of wine last night and for the first time in a long time I laughed, I actually laughed, we got the photo albums out & it was such a special moment to look at all our happy family photos, I never realised the amount of good times we had as a family & how happy my children looked growing up.
I know now I will never see my son again & that is a very hard pill to swallow as a Mum, but I also know I have my memories and a love that no one can take for my children I am so proud of my son & I just hope he knows how much I love him.
My life will never be the same again & in time I hope to accept that, but for now I am taking each day as it comes, there is no right or wrong way to do this I can only do my best. Son I miss you more than anything xxxxx

[pigeononthegate]

I am so sorry

The "natural causes" label would have hurt me as well, it must feel like the most unnatural thing imaginable to lose your child.

[TwittleBee]

I am very sorry you're experiencing this horrid nightmare. It is totally unnatural and unfair and not right.

I am sure your son knew and knows how loved he is. Cherish those photos and those memories.

That hole will never ever be filled in, there will always be a part of you missing and aching but you'll learn to live with that loss. Somehow your life starts building around that hole, never filling it in but you do somehow start learning to live easier with that heartache.

Sending you love. You're certainly in my thoughts x

[Ibizafun]

My heart goes out to you, I don’t have the words but he is one fortunate boy to have experienced the incredible love that you have for him. He will always be with you and part of you.

[Yoohoo16]

I’m so sorry

[BigBairyHollocks]

I am so, so sorry for your loss