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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Tomorrow is my nan's funeral, and I am dreading it so much

46 replies

Pinkchampagne · 23/07/2007 23:34

This will be my first funeral, and it is my lovely nan's.
Her death was a shock, I still can't quite take in the fact she has gone, and I am dreading the funeral more than I can explain.

She is being buried on top of Grandad, and I don't know how I'm going to handle it all. Don't want to go to bed because I just don't want to face tomorrow.

OP posts:

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mummylin2495 · 23/07/2007 23:41

It is a horrid thing to have to go through ,but once the service is over and you have the wake you will find like a lot of us, that that you can finally take a deep breath and you can relax.I think that we get so worried about the funeral that when it is finally over there is a big sense of relief.i dont mean that you arent upset by your loss,just that what you have been dreading for days has now gone.

Pinkchampagne · 23/07/2007 23:46

I think that's the thing, mummylin. She died two weeks ago today, and I have been totally devastated, but feel I have the biggest challange to come tomorrow.
This will be my first funeral, and it is of someone so very close to me, so I'm dreading it more than I can tell you.
I have been told that buriels are extra tough.

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luckylady74 · 23/07/2007 23:52

i'm sorry you are dreading it - i found my nana's hard and my dad's virtually impossible to face, but in retrospect it's one day and i heard many people say wonderful things about the people i loved - lots of stories/background i'd not heard before - and i'm glad i heard those things now. i think ceromony helps things sink in and start coming to terms with the loss. hope it goes as well as it can - tears and laughter hopefully.

mummylin2495 · 23/07/2007 23:56

i can relate to exactly what you are are feeling ,i felt the same way and didnt know how i would get through it,but even though i loved her so much ,my feelings were exactly as i described in the last post.i too was scared about and couldnt see past the funeral,but once over you do feel strangely better.I hope this is the case for you.Im sorry to say its not something you can put off.So be happy that you were loved by and did love your nan.She is at peace now.Just one little tip ,if you can get one of her flowers from her funeral and press it,it is a lovely reminder of her.You could put it in picture frame.What time is the funeral ? i will think of you.

Pinkchampagne · 23/07/2007 23:57

thank you, luckylady74. I guess a lot of my fear is fear of the unknown, but I know it will be unbearably hard, and I get upset just thinking about it. It is the having to really accept they're gone & the letting go, I think.

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southeastastra · 23/07/2007 23:58

go with the flow pc, sorry about your nan.

Pinkchampagne · 24/07/2007 00:00

Thanks, mummylin, I will try to remember that.

Nan's funeral is at 11am. She has been a big part of my life since I was born, and was such a lovely nan to us. She will missed so much.

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Pinkchampagne · 24/07/2007 00:01

Thanks, SEA

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mummylin2495 · 24/07/2007 00:03

i will think of you at 11am.You will get through it.I will look for you tomorrow eve to see how you are feeling,i have to go now so goodnight.

Pinkchampagne · 24/07/2007 00:05

Think I had better try to get some sleep now too.
Thanks, mummylin.

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Pinkchampagne · 24/07/2007 08:22

I am already feeling tearful just thinking about today.

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AnnainNZ · 24/07/2007 08:32

Echo what everyone else said about once the funeral is over it will be like a weight off your shoulders - my dad died last year and I just fgelt in limbo till the funeral was over, didnt feel i could relax or start to accept it or anything. Funeral was hard at time but not so bad looking bvack - so many people sayijng so many nice things about my dad! And it was lovely to see people we hadn't seen for so long though sad circumstances. doensnt matte3r if you feel tearful - cry as much as you need to. random things would make me cry for months afgter (now and again, not all the time!) but it doensnt matter - it's good tears, sign of how much you loved tge person

Sorry bout spelling. Best of luck today. Focus on the great memories and how lucky you are to have had such a fantastic nan in your life, if you can.

CaptainUnderpants · 24/07/2007 12:26

Pinkchampagne - my thoughts are with you. My Mum passed away at the weekend and we have the funeral next Tuesday, like you I am absolutley in dread of it.

Our loved ones are now at peace and your Nan is now with your Grandad.

I feel for you truely I do. I hope you get some peace out of it today , I hope I do next week.

Whooosh · 24/07/2007 12:44

I really hope it all went as your Nan would have wanted.
Hope yo managed to get through it ok too.
Was thinking of you.

Dinosaur · 24/07/2007 12:54

I hope it went well, Pinkchampagne, or at least, as well as these things can.

Thinking of you

x

queenrollo · 24/07/2007 14:36

thinking of you........lost my nan two years ago, one of the most precious people in my entire life. i was dreading my nan's burial (previously only attended cremation) but actually found it a more peaceful, spiritual goodbye.....out in the fresh air with nature around us.
hope you are ok and we are still here if you need to talk. i felt a different kind of sadness after her funeral, and still need a listening ear now and then.......let it out if you need to, it will help you to remember her with happy tears as well as sad ones.

MsG · 24/07/2007 16:37

Hi Pinkchampagne, I hope it was ok for you today. I lost my beloved nan 18 months ago and the pain and the shock does fade. I still think of her a lot but it's mainly happy memories these days.

Take care of yourself.

xxx

mummylin2495 · 24/07/2007 23:14

hello pc just looking in to see how your day went and to know that you coped with it ok.

CalifrauniusFudge · 24/07/2007 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkchampagne · 24/07/2007 23:54

Thank you all for thinking of me. I had tried to go to bed because I'm exhausted, but keep having panic attacks, so have given up on sleeping for now!

Funeral was really hard. I dosed myself up with Kalms & Rescue Remedy because I knew I would find it hard to get through, but was in bits as soon as we drove to her house to meet up beforehand.

Service went well, and much as I cried a lot, I felt stronger than I thought I would. Was hard seeing her coffin & flowers. My sister & I felt we wanted to touch the coffin before she was driven to the cemetary, and I placed a kiss on top of it. That was my goodbye to her, and I got very upset.

Burial was tough, but I got myself through it by thinking "That's not really my nan going down there, she's gone."

My cousin had bought a packet of jelly babies (Nan always had jelly babies to share out), which we threw down on her.

The sun shone for her, which was good.

Feel totally drained & exhausted with all the emotion, but I cannot get to sleep.

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Pinkchampagne · 24/07/2007 23:57

CaptainUnderpants - so sorry about your mum.

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Dinosaur · 25/07/2007 08:29

I hope you managed to get some sleep in the end sweetheart.

Budababe · 25/07/2007 08:36

Hope you are feeling OK today. I still miss my Nana - 9 years on.

I don't know if this will help any but when my Nana was dying (stomach cancer) on the last day she was afraid to close her eyes in case she didn't wake up and she was quite frightened. She was in her own home and there were a few of us there - my 2 aunts and my Dad and Mum and me and her sister and my cousin.

At one point one of my aunts was in the room alone with her and she said to my aunt "look it's Daddy" and my aunt said "my dad - James?" and she said "no MY Daddy" who had obv died years before and then "oh James is here too and Mammy" - her mother died in 1932. She was visibly more peaceful and relaxed afterwards and died about an hour later.

I now really believe in an afterlife and that our loved ones guide us over so your Nan prob wasn't alone when she died.

CaptainUnderpants · 25/07/2007 08:57

Hope you are Ok today Pinkchampagne ?

I dont know about you but my eyes feel raw from the crying over the last few days .

You are not alone in your grief for a loved one .

Biglips · 25/07/2007 08:59

It will be better and you can move on once your Nan buried

I still miss my aunty who died 4 yrs ago GOD BLESS XXXXX

Flip

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