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does any man understand m/c?

(4 Posts)
griffintribe Sat 07-Jul-07 17:05:12

Had a missed m/c at 15 weeks back in February and my DH was brillant.

The baby would be due in 5 weeks time.

We have been desparaetly trying for another baby since but are still not pregnant.

I feel that i cant talk to Dh about how upset i am still. Whenever i do talk to him he gets cross and says i should pull myself together and stop mopping.

I try really hard not to talk to him about babies but thats all i can think off.

Today we had a massive arguement because i have asked him twice to book my due date off see we can take our DD to the farm and so that i am not on my own that day.

He has not bothered to do this and then today he has booked a motorbike training course and test for the 3 days before my due date.

So he is goin to have that week of work for his bike.

I asked him if he even knew what week that was and he said no. Arguement followed and he shouted that the baby was dead and and that the date was not important.

Then he said he is sick to death of me still wallowing and that my behaviour is effecting our DD and turning her into a nightmare.

She is 22 months old and lovely and hardly any trouble. She has a few moments but she is hitting her terrible twos.

He said that he doesn't want any more children if this might happen again.

Normally he is lovely and kind to me so please dont think he is beign a b**rd

I dont know what to do with him, i cant magic myself happy again

lisad123 Sat 07-Jul-07 17:28:05

My hubby wasnt as unkind, but struggled to understand why it took so long to get over it. I think the important thing to rememeber is how people normally grieve. apart from MC, they know that person, they know a name, a face, have pics, can discuss that persons personaility and have things that are reminders. the trouble with MC is you are the only one who knew that baby on thats level apart from partner/hubby. however baby would not have had as big a impact on dh as he hadnt felt kicks, put up with morning sickness, hadnt proepryl made as many plans in his head. Its sad but very true from my expersience.
Everyone handles it differently. Do you have afriend you could go and see that day? Maybe do planting with dd that day and plant in garden as a reminder for you. I dont know if any of this info is help, I just want you to know your not alone.
hugs
lsia

griffintribe Sat 07-Jul-07 17:33:46

Thanks Lisad123. I just cant understand how he can forget so easily and wish i could do the same.

I expect him to hurt still because even though i carried her and went thruogh the surgery she was OUR baby. And we both wanted her so much

lilolilmanchester Sat 07-Jul-07 18:21:44

Hi Griffintribe, have had a m/c myself. I'm finding myself about to write all the same stuff as lisad: I honestly think that men bond with the baby a lot later than mums, so although they are sad and supportive when m/c happens, it might not run so deep; people grieve in different ways, and maybe blocking it all out was his way of coping, and therefore he can't handle the fact that you still need to grieve? He does sound like a lovely guy. Somehow you need to find a way of you both dealing with it in your own ways, and agreeing with Lisad again, perhaps you can find a friend/family member to be with you that day and I love the idea of planting something. I know, ideally, you'd like him with you but perhaps he is needing to be distracted from the sadness by working? Just a thought.

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