Supporting a friend - advice appreciated

[shalalala]

Hello all. I hope it is appropriate to ask this here as I wasn't sure where to post.
One of my friends has sadly just lost her husband to cancer. She is in her late thirties and isn't a 'best' friend but is a good friend and I would really like to support her in the very best way I can.
I'm worried about saying and/or doing the right thing. She lives nearby and has a daughter the similar age to my toddler.
Any advice on something to take her and support to give would be very appreciated. Flowers seem a bit weak, perhaps a plant?
Thank you in advance.

[LuckyBitches]

I would say don't worry too much about getting it wrong, what matters is that you let her know you are there and acknowledge her loss. Just saying 'I'm so sorry that you've lost (husband's name)' will mean a lot to her I expect. When my brother died I found people's silence the hardest thing to deal with. The worst thing you can say is nothing.
I think flowers sound lovely - it's what they acknowledge that matters. Plants are also good too of course. Anything is good, really - the main thing is that you are showing up and being there for her. I would also add to keep checking in with her in the coming months/years, maybe try and remember the anniversaries, because she will be aware of these and other people will likely have forgotten.

[echt]

Plants are nice, but something else to take care of. Offer a specific service; mow the lawn. Food is good.

Short term, flowers and a letter, not a card. Letters are harder to write and mean way more to the recipient. Cards are for birthdays that roll around. Someone only dies once.

[echt]

Oh, and keep it up. When she doesn't respond. For ages. Keep checking. Keep offering.

You sound like a good friend .

[dontknowwhattodo80]

Recently one of my good friends suffered a bereavement, I took round a cooked meal and offered baby sitting of her daughter ( and niece and nephews if needed)

I sent her a card for the day of the funeral, not a sympathy card but more of a holding your hand card. I then sent her a bunch of flowers a couple of weeks later- to acknowledge that I hadn't stopped thinking of her.

You sound like a lovely friend OP

[TemporaryPermanent]

Try not to worry - just do what feels ok. if you think she likes flowers, take flowers. A plant is great - I personally prefer flowers but wouldnt have cared in the aftermath of dh's death. It was lovely to get nice biscuits, tea etc so that I could offer them to visitors without having to buy them. Just go and visit her.

[shalalala]

Thank you everyone. Good advice

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

Recently lost my lovely DM and the thing that sticks out for me is Food. It was so incredibly helpful when people just came in and made tea/coffee/food. I feel bad thinking about it now, I barely acknowledged the visits, but did eat the food/drink the drink - almost like a machine. It was unbearable when I had to actually think about what to eat, so I just didn't.

I know when I've been the one to help it has been received best when unobtrusive, but actually helpful, without making a fuss. Offering generic 'let me know I can do anything' rarely came to anything.

You sound lovely!