First bereavement

[dontknowwhattodo80]

Hi

I've managed to get to 38 without losing anyone close to me or supporting someone through a bereavement

Now I'm in that situation and want to make sure I'm getting it right. My best friends mum died in the night, she's been ill for a long time and has been in hospital since the weekend. I've been helping when I can, looking after my friends children and I visited the hospital a couple of times.

I don't know what happens next? Where can I be helpful? Take flowers round? I wondered about taking something for them to eat? They don't need any shopping but neither my friend, her husband or her family have been eating properly for days.

Is today too soon to do anything. We're very close ( both in distance and as friends) and I want to get it right.

To be honest I just want to go round and give her a big hug . I'm also gutted as I was close to her mum, she was so lovely

Any advice would be lovely thanks

[madeyemoodysmum]

Flowers and practicle help for now. A hug and a listening ear later when she’s ready.

You sound like a good friend.

Most people say friends are good until the funeral is over. Then they disappear. Dont be that friend.

[dontknowwhattodo80]

Ooh definitely not that friend! She can't get rid of me that easily. I've struggled to not suffocate her these last few days ( I did ok!) , to be honest I just wanted to scoop her up and take her away somewhere. So now I need to know how much I can do now without getting in the way

Thank you, I'll send something round later

[Doilooklikeatourist]

Go round later , give her a hug , have a cry together , just be there

She might not be ready for all that , but will remember that you made the effort

[Hello1290]

A sympathy card with some thoughtful words.

[HappyHedgehog247]

What I really loved was hearing other people’s memories of the person I loved. Might be a bit soon for that just yet though!

[Missingstreetlife]

Send or bring food if you can. Or Cook for them. Cooking is the last thing they will want to do. Heads probably all over the place, just play it by ear and observation. Let them talk.

[runwithme]

Ive found that when people say "let me know what I can do", it's not really helpful. So when my DB and Ddad died I didn't know who to speak to about specifics. Childcare, making funeral arrangements, picking up something from the shop. So offer specific help-"I'm free tomorrow afternoon. Do you want me to have the DC?" or "let me know what relatives need a lift to the funeral and I'll arrange it"

Also, can you prepare a meal rota?x