Coping with still birth

[Theng21]

I've been trying to cope for the loss of my daughter for the last 8months. I have lost her due to a chromosome disorder and big hole in her heart. I have a 3 years old son who keeps reminiscing the times I have her (Mary) on my womb. My son is trying to make sense of what had happened to Mary. He knew that Mary is up in heaven and not leaving with us because she is too unwell to stay. He is trying to put a face to his sister when we were shopping one day telling me that the baby on the picture was Mary. He was also upset when I accidentally put his cup on top of the paper as I would ruin Mary's face. I'm trying to make sense out of whats going on with his little mind. The thing that strikes me the most is when he woke up this morning he wanted me to pray to God that Mary will get better so she can come back to us. Has anyone have any experience of these happening to them. I'm just heart broken all the time. I don't know what else to Do.

[GiantKitten]

I’m so sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your daughter Mary

This must still be a very difficult time for you even without your son’s confusion. I think at 3 he’s too young to understand the permanence of death.

I don’t have any shared experience but I think it would help if you can get in touch with SANDS - the stillbirth & neonatal death charity - who have masses of expertise and compassion.

www.sands.org.uk

[GiantKitten]

There’s a leaflet here about supporting children - the section about pre-school children starts on page 12. I hope there’ll be some information there to help you both.

www.sands.org.uk/sites/default/files/•AW%20SUPPORTING%20CHILDREN%20211113%20LR%20SP%20LINKED.pdf

[Choccywoccyhooha]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it sounds like Mary is a very much loved member of your family and always will be. It's a great testament to you that your son is able to talk openly about his sister in such a healthy way. When my friend's son died during his birth her daughter was 2 at the time and someone got her this book. www.amazon.co.uk/Were-Gonna-Have-Angel-Instead/dp/0972424113/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Angel%20instead&ie=UTF8&qid=1542762515&sr=8-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Also, I would like to recommend this lovely community to you, a number of my friends have found comfort with them.
www.glowinthewoods.com

[Theng21]

Thank you giantkitten and. Choccywocchyhooha. I'll check them out. I really appreciate your replies.

[rainbowquack]

@Theng21 , I am so sorry for your loss. Do you have a photo of Mary or a foot print that perhaps you could give your son to keep in a frame, in his room? X

[Theng21]

Hi we have a the baby scans framed in our living room. We decided not to show him the pictures as we dont want to upset him or don't know how his going to react.

[JULESFH]

I'm so sorry for the loss of Mary, it must be such a difficult time for all of you. I've no experience but sending you love and strength xx

[Theng21]

Thank you rainbow quack and julesfh xx