Advice

[ireneadler101]

Hi all,

My mum passed away recently after 18 months of illness, and shortly before she died, I found out (inadvertently) that my step father had signed up to a dating site two weeks before she died, describing himself as a widower, and had been messaging women. I was furious, but didn't want my mum to find out so did not mention it to him (or anyone else).

I feel like for my own sake, I need to confront him about this. I don't, however, want to make things even more stressful. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to broach this with him?

Thanks

[Knittedfairies]

I can’t see how you can broach this that won’t add to your stress. If you really feel the need to tell him that you know, perhaps something like ‘I see you signed up to xxx on (date)’ so he knows that you are aware of what he did.

My sympathies OP; losing your mum is hard.

[Poudrenez]

What a difficult situation . I agreed that confronting him will only add to your stress, but I can also see how bottling it up will probably do the same! My only suggestion is that you defer it, setting a date of say six months from now to revisit the decision. It's a really tough one, but you don't have to act right now, while things are so raw.

[BlueSkyBurningBright]

I am sorry for your loss.

I imagine that it was a very difficult time for him, and maybe his strange way of dealing with her impending death.

I had a dear friend who died after a very long battle with cancer. Her husband married very quickly after her death, within months. It turned out that he had started the new relationship before her death. We all thought it was awful. Later we found out that she knew about it and had accepted it as his way of dealing with her illness, and taking control of his life.

It must be upsetting for you, but don't see it as him not loving or being faithful to your mother. Maybe just a way of taking control of the future and dealing with grief.

I agree with pp, leave it for now and concentrate on how you feel.

[Poudrenez]

I agree with blue, I was thinking that perhaps this is his way of preparing himself for something terrifying (being alone). But I didn't feel quite brave enough to suggest this, as what your stepfather has done seems exceptionally callous, from the outside.