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Nephew wants to die to see grandma

(9 Posts)
Damnpeskykids Thu 24-May-18 09:42:40

Hi all I'm hoping for any advice on how to help my sister and nephew.
As the title my DN has said several times to DSis that he wants to get hit by a car so he can see grandma again. sad he's 6. Mum died nearly 2 years ago from terminal lung cancer. They were very close, they all lived together off & on his whole life and they adored each other.
I haven't got a clue what to advise her to say? My DC are younger but all aware and we talk about her all the time, how she's in heaven etc hes incredibly bright so understands death is final so it's really worrying for him to say stuff like this!
She said should she contact her HV or would someone more grief specific be better? I've had a look online but there's nothing really. Thanks in advance!

CloudCaptain Thu 24-May-18 09:46:22

I think a counsellor would be best. Get an appointment through his gp.
Can you suggest he won't be able to see his mum and others if he does that and that it would hurt, in the mean time. Grandma is looking down on him and wouldn't want him with her yet. That kind of thing.

ColonelCakes Thu 24-May-18 09:46:29

I don’t have any personal experience of this but would recommend looking into winston’s wish.

Damnpeskykids Thu 24-May-18 10:38:56

Thankyou both for your replies, we don't live in the same country but I'll tell her that and to look on the website too. Thanks again.

GoodStuffAnnie Thu 24-May-18 10:44:53

I think 6 is a really key age with awareness of death. Before then you can do the angels etc and they just accept it (or course this varies massively for all kids - not specifically 6), after this they properly fully get it. Its confusing. Your DN might be listening to all the angels / heaven stories but ALSO understand the adult not coming back thing. You might need a professional to guide you. But you could try conversations like...some people believe this and some people believe that and see where it leads. It might settle his mind to understand the not coming back thing.

I would also be practically saying...Grandma wants you to go to school, Grandma needs you to go to your swimming lessons, Gma wants you to help sister with her shoes, when he says it. Don't say Grandma doesn't want to see you. But Grandma needs you to be with mummy and daddy. itswim.

Also, 2 years is quite a long time. He might be stuck and a professional might be best.

Damnpeskykids Thu 24-May-18 11:40:47

Thankyou @GoodStuffAnnie lots to pass on to my sister. He's an only child & she's a single mum but he's very close with me & my DH and DC, we just don't get to see him as often as we'd like, but keep in regular contact. I think it's only been a recent thing, but I definitely agree a professional helping hand would be best for guidance, thanks again.

BonApp Thu 24-May-18 12:07:42

Was your dm in a hospice? They sometimes have counselors for children and even though it was a while ago I wonder if they would be happy to help. Best wishes flowers

Damnpeskykids Thu 24-May-18 14:54:24

No she passed away at home but she did have a care worker from there who was brilliant, she came round not long after Mum died & spoke to him, dsis said she'll contact them for advice too. Thankyou!

DontFearToQuery Fri 25-May-18 18:24:29

Try calling Winston's Wish for info/advice. They can be brilliant. Good luck.

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