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Grandfather just passed

(7 Posts)
SamanthaH92 Tue 13-Feb-18 15:31:45

My grandfather passed away a week ago tomorrow. I have taken it worse than i thought i would. We knew it was coming but we did not expect it so soon.

He was 95 years old, just. We celebrated his birthday on christmas day. He had a fall and ended up in hospital, also with other complications that he was waiting to have scans and an operation for. I visited the hospital twice while he was there. He was almost there 2 weeks. The first night he couldn't remember anything, me, my partner or why or how he had got there. He just wanted to go home. The second night we went he knew who we were but didn't really say much and tbh i didn't know what to say either. We stayed two hours but then i had to get back for my daughter because the sitter didn't want to stay any longer.

While we were there the doctor had been round to say they were just making him comfortable and stopping all medication apart from pain relief and talked about trying to get him home to die. He had lots of fluid filling his lungs. I couldn't get a sitter the night after that, the tuesday and without my partner taking me i had no way of getting to the hospital that night. He died the early hours of wednesday morning. I feel so guilty i didn't get there the tuesday night. I am very angry and have a short temper for the last week. I am also 17 weeks pregnant but he didn't know about this baby which i also now feel so guilty about. I find i now don't have time for people that don't have time for me and that are only there when they want something or when it is on their terms. I think hormones have a part to play too. We have 2 more weeks to wait till the funeral and i hate to think we have to wait that long to lay him to rest.

I don't think my partner understand as he just gets on with things. I don't even know what i want from this post. Just to vent. Thank you for reading x

Poshindevon Tue 13-Feb-18 19:03:10

Sorry for your
You have had a vent now please calm down and look at things logically.
Your grandfather was 95 years old the fall and the complications made him very ill. 95 year olds dont bounce back from illness as younger people do. Even if you had seen your grandfather he would have still passed away. Was he supposed to wait until you had a convenient time to visit ?
Are you his only relative? Did no one else visit him.
Waiting two weeks for a funeral is quite normal in England Scotland and Wales.
You are probably overdramatic because of your hormones. Why would you feel guilty because your unborn baby will not meet their great grandfather. Thats a bit over the top.
You need to accept things as there is nothing you can do about it and taking your anger out on others is really not acceptable.

PeonyTruffle Tue 13-Feb-18 20:25:12

Sorry for your loss OP flowers x

SamanthaH92 Tue 13-Feb-18 21:46:23

I am not taking my anger out on other people. I am just saying i don't have time for the people wasting my time.
Yes there was lots of other relatives there but still i feel bad for not going that night. Its not the fact he didn't meet this baby its the fact he didn't know about baby. Thank you for both your condolences.

tinyradish Tue 13-Feb-18 21:54:57

Sorry for your loss sad

I understand what you mean - whenever a loved one has died I've always felt this intense guilt/regret that I should have done more/made more effort etc in the last days. Mixed with grief it is a horrible feeling. You just have to think that there's no going back in time & no way it can be changed now. Focus on the good times & take care flowers

AdaColeman Tue 13-Feb-18 22:01:39

I'm so sorry that you have lost your beloved Grandfather, he would have know that you loved him, so let that comfort you a little.

Anger and guilt are both part of the normal cycle of grief, so don't be upset at feeling them, you will find that they come in waves, but gradually these will ease over time.

If you have some photos of him, why not look them, there will be tears as well as smiles I'm sure, but it might make you feel better to remember some happy times with him.

Kindest thoughts. thanks

SamanthaH92 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:16:43

Thank you both.
Yes i have looked through photos. Unfortunetly no photos of us when we are older but lots as children. I also have a few of him with my DD which is lovley. Xx

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