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Bereavement

How do I stop myself taking my grief out on my family.

2 replies

Seryan · 19/01/2018 18:32

I lost my DM almost 2 years ago. We were very close, saw each other daily & she was a massive source of support for me. Today I was cross with DP. I was stomping and ranting in my head about all the things he doesn't do to help when I suddenly realised it wasn't DP's actions that had upset me. It was simply that I'm missing DM. The thing is this isn't new. I have been doing this since a few months after she died. I've taken it out on DP & both my DD's especially the older one & she's only 10 and it's not fair on them. When I do it I don't realise the real reason why I am so stressed & angry. I've just had the occasional epiphany like this morning, when I realise what the true problem is. How do I stop this?

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BackforGood · 19/01/2018 23:06

It was when I found myself going through the 'angry at everyone' stage, and was being really unfairly 'cross' with my dc, that I decided to take myself off to Bereavement Counselling.

Prior to that, I would definitely have said counselling wasn't for me - always thought I was a bit of a "pull yourself together, get on with life" kind of a person - but taking that one evening a fortnight out of my everyday life, to talk and to listen was my saving.
I was able to access it through the Hospice that offered my Mum end of life care.
You do need to look after yourself though - it's what we often neglect to do, when we 'get on with life' when busy with work and family after a breavement.

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Seryan · 20/01/2018 17:30

Thanks for replying. I had counselling throughout my DM's illness but it stopped shortly after her death as I seemed to be coping well. My DP and myself have also been attending couple's counselling recently as we had hit some problems. It's become obvious that some of our issues are related to the changes within me since my DM's death and him not understanding what was happening. I can't blame him for this as I didn't realise what was happening either. I'm hoping now we know we can deal with this better but I think I need to find strategies that will help me identify what is happening and calm me when these emotions take over. Has anyone else suffered something similar.