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(10 Posts)
diodati Sat 13-Jan-18 06:44:24

My dad is dying. He had a heart attack yesterday and apparently there is a tear in his aorta. He is too old, too ill and too fragile for any sort of intervention such as surgery. I knew this day would come but not so suddenly! I was chatting on the phone with him only hours before his heart attack and he was absolutely fine! The DC (17 & 14) are distraught but they believe he will get better. I saw him this morning and I know he could hear me. He said "hi" and tried to open his eyes. When I went back with the DC late this afternoon, he was deeply inside himself. If that makes sense. He doesn't respond much when we speak to him; mostly, he is asleep. Please can you help me through this, those who have lost a parent?

mrsnolasco Sat 13-Jan-18 06:48:41

I have no advice, sorry but I'm holding your hand through this flowers

Situp Sat 13-Jan-18 06:53:30

Hey Op,
I lost my dad suddenly 3 years ago and it was like the bottom had dropped out of the world. You are never old enough for it to feel ok.

Having said that, I promise it does get easier. There are some great people at BereavementUK which is a forum for people going through what you are going through and I totally recommend it.

Be really kind with yourself and so what feels right. This isn't a linear process and you will have massive ups and downs which is totally ok. My mum described it like waves which knock you over every time at first but as time goes on they get smaller and you are able to stand on the surf.

Sending you virtual hugs flowers

Tillymintsmama Sat 13-Jan-18 06:53:44

Hold his hand, stroke his face and tell him you love him. Stay with him and just be present. I know what you mean by him being "deeply inside himself" but they say the hearing is the last sense to go.

I hope his passing is pain free and comfortable.

Lots of love to you x

ChangingStates Sat 13-Jan-18 07:01:34

Oh so sorry, such an awful time and shocking for you. My dad died a year and a half ago, we knew it was coming but was still sudden in the end. I was with him when he died and although it was the most difficult thing I have done i am so glad I was there. He may be deep inside himself but if you can I would sit with him, hold his hand, talk to him lots- say all the things you want him to know. Read to him or play music he likes, try and find comfort in giving him some. And for you lean on those close to you, do you have siblings or anyone else who can be there as well apart from your sons?
From a practical perspective contact a funeral director you want to use so that when the time comes you are not having to make that decision and they are great, they know and help you through everything in those early days.
Hand hold and in mumsnetty hug for you. Remember to eat too!

Robin233 Sat 13-Jan-18 07:12:22

We lost Dad 18 months ago .
He slept for the last 10 days.
Me and my sister sat with him a few hours before he passed.
We talked to each other and some of that time we shared laughter- though it was a sad time,
I believe it was hearing our laughter that dad thought ' my girls are ok '
That it was ok for him to leave us and join my mum.
Hugs to you xx
He will know you are there xx

diodati Sat 13-Jan-18 07:34:30

It's such a shock. I've cried so much (in private) that my eyes are almost swollen shut. We are all blown apart - my stepmother, half-sisters, niece, nephews, cousins, friends - and although there's some distance and coldness between me and the others (my Dad's second wife, my stepmother and my half-sisters and all of their blood kin), bridges are being mended through our shared grief and distress. I don't know how real or enduring this new closeness is but it certainly helps. And above all, it helps Dad to be able to go in peace. I live on the west coast of Canada so am not able to use UK support services, unfortunately.

Choccogirl50 Sat 13-Jan-18 17:56:14

I’m really sorry. Stay with him if you feel you can. I had Michael Buble on playing for my Mam she loved him and I chatted to her, she was on morphine had no idea who I was though. I miss her hour of every day, I always will x

diodati Sat 13-Jan-18 18:35:11

I arrived at the hospital first thing this morning and he actually opened his eyes and said "Hi Nink" (his nickname for me). I had about 20 minutes alone with him, which was a precious gift. He's far too ill to talk but I showed him that I'd brought the sunny yellow blanket my grammy (his mum) had crocheted for me, which of course I washed it last night. As soon as my half-sister came in, she said "Did the nurse say you could put that there?" in a bitchy voice. "Yes, she saw me do it." Ho-hum. Sibling rivalry, alive and kicking.

Knittedfairies Sat 13-Jan-18 18:47:24

I'm so sorry; it's hard.

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