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If you lost a family mmber, have you memorialized them in any way, and if so how?

(13 Posts)
pauldacresmellsoffarts Mon 08-Jan-18 02:37:00

My df passed away a couple of months ago.

I had been planning to write his biography for many years, because he'd had such an amazing life; he'd lived through historic times and experienced some things that I wanted my dcs to know about and thought others might be interested in too. So when he died I was doubly devastated, because I hadn't been able to write this while he was still there (work or dcs always got in the way) and ask him all the questions I had, and share it with him.

I still wanted to write it after he'd passed away, but it was harder. And then we started to find box after box of papers (diaries, letters etc) he'd kept. And I realised how much of his life he'd left us. Which is incredible, if daunting (he was a refugee, so most of them are in his original language, which I don't speak).

A friend suggested I turn it into a PhD (my degree was in History) and I am feeling strangely comforted at the thought of my dad's life being properly studied and recorded.

I was wondering in what other ways you have memorialized your loved ones: plaques, setting up or giving to charities in their name, writing about them etc? Or if you haven't, how you would like to do this?

PinkSparklyPussyCat Mon 08-Jan-18 21:41:45

I’ve created a tribute fund in my Mum’s name to raise money to name a Guide Dog in her memory. I asked for donations in lieu of flowers and so far we have raised over £800 towards it. There’s a long way to go but we’ll get there. I have also sponsored a Guide Dog puppy in her memory and will be sponsoring another one for her birthday later this month.

Mum was nearly blind and always donated to Guide Dogs so it made sense to do something in her memory.

MissTulipan Fri 12-Jan-18 16:51:04

I have a bracelet that I wear every day since my father died nearly 5 years ago. I also lost a baby late in pregnancy 9 years ago and on the other wrist I wear an engraved (with her name inside) bracelet. Both silver. I find them very comforting as I can wear them everyday.

I really hope you get writing soon about your father’s life, what a wonderful thing to have the chance to do.

Mner Fri 12-Jan-18 17:02:39

I found a stash of dad's poems that I was going to bring together somehow. The problem is some copies are in his native language (which I understand a bit of but not dialect if he has used that...) and some are in English and there are loads of different versions. I am a bit nervous, I won't know which is the "right version" but you have inspired me to dig them out at least...

PinkSparklyPussyCat Fri 12-Jan-18 20:04:04

I wear Mum's engagement ring and I had some of her other jewellery melted down and made into a necklace and earrings which I now wear all the time. I kept her wedding ring and I plan to have that melted down and made into an eternity ring. DH and I have been talking about me having one for a long time and it seems right.

Situp Fri 12-Jan-18 20:08:10

A wonderful friend of mine made me a quilt of my dad's old shirts when he died. We have it in our snug and so I watch movies or read to the kids wrapped in it which is really nice.

He died in early 2015 and my mum also hasn't changed the answering machine yet so I hear his voice whenever I leave her a message which some people will think is bonkers but i really love.

ParkheadParadise Fri 12-Jan-18 20:29:14

When Dd1 died I was 7mths pregnant with Dd2. When she was born DH bought me a necklace with both their names engraved on, I never take it off. I also have both of their first babygrows framed.

pallisers Fri 12-Jan-18 22:10:46

I did a book for df. Put together the narrative of his life, the poems he wrote, he favourite stories and jokes, poems he loved, photos, family tree, and his funeral service (he had chosen it). I had it printed and gave copies to all his grandchildren.

We also did a donation with a plaque in a charity we support for dm, df and bil.

A friend recently transcribed all the letters his grandfather had sent his grandmother in the early 19th century. She was wealthy adn doing the grand tour in Europe. He was an artist and involved in some of the artist colonies at the time in eastern US. They were engaged for years and years and he died in their first year of marriage. The letters were amazing and he gave a copy of the book to an art history institute.

echt Sat 13-Jan-18 05:04:27

This thread made me call up my late DH's mobile, which still has his message on it, rather rushed and official-sounding, but still him. smile

I'm putting together the many photos related to his family that go back so far.

He has been honoured with two awards given in his name, one related to his work, one to a personal interest. They will continue, not one-offs.

DD was only yesterday saying how we should remember him, but no way forward yet. His ashes are in an old-style hat box, with his christening robe and baby shoes. In the wardrobe.

MissSophieB397 Mon 22-Jan-18 21:51:40

My dad passed away 24/9/2017 aged 51. It was awful as it was so sudden and I still struggle to come to terms with it - we got his clothes stitched into a blanket for me and my 3 sisters, we all had necklaces made with his photo engraved and each made a photo frame with photos of him, his bangles and little bits of his life. It's the little things which keep us going like that 😊

hevonbu Thu 25-Jan-18 19:01:29

I haven't memorialised anything, but I think your idea is great.
My mum died at age 51 too, suddenly, but it was more than 31 years ago and I no longer remember her very well because it has been so long now.

PutDownThatLaptop Thu 25-Jan-18 19:09:29

A plaque at his favourite place.

PandaG Thu 25-Jan-18 19:16:37

Money in lieu of flowers went to the preschool where my mum used to work, and bought some great outdoor play equipment they could otherwise not have afforded. My dad is now on the preschool committee, something he does in her memory. I wear her ring every day.

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