Explaining cremation

[duzzlightyearsmum]

My Dnan passed away over the weekend after a short illness. DS, 5.5, is understandably very upset and has been asking lots of questions. Most I have answered honestly and easily. However Dnan is going to be cremated and I'm struggling with how I can explain this to him. Any advice on how to go about it without traumatising him would be fantastic.

He is a pretty clever and mature little boy so I need to find a balance between not being too upsetting but also answering all of his questions

[superking]

I'd just be factual. Explain that his nan doesn't need her body anymore, that she's died and that means she can't feel or see anything and her body is empty. And that as part of saying goodbye to her, we say goodbye to her body by burning it so that it turns into ashes. We won't see it being burnt, we will say goodbye and then it will be done by special people whose job it is.

It is tricky and is one of the things I've found difficult when explaining my Mum's death to my DS. I watched his reaction very closely when I talked about it. But to be honest he was completely unfazed by it.

[duzzlightyearsmum]

Thanks for your advice. You're completely right I just need to be honest with him.

[CoffeeBeansAndCake]

Sorry for your loss.

My DF died last month and was cremated so I have had to answer the same question. My DDs are 6 and 4. After much googling I told them that Grandad had died and so no longer needed his body - a bit like a butterfly that leaves it's cocoon behind. After the funeral service Grandad's coffin would be put into a warm room and his body would turn into soft ashes. I didn't want to talk about fire or burning. Although this is the truth I suspect it would've upset my DDs. They have been happy with my explanation.

I found a great book on Amazon called Water Bugs and Dragonflies that helps to explain death to young children. That might help.