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Brother-in-law committed suicide

(9 Posts)
Namechanger38 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:30:02

He did it a few days ago. He and my sister were having problems and she told him the marriage was over the week before.

Their son is 7.

How the fuck can I help her?

I am trying to be a solid practical support...phoning people (horrific) will help with funeral...his note said he couldn't go on since she had done this to him

How do I help my nephew

I don't know what to do. I'm too exhausted to think..I missed my daughter's dancing show today and she is gutted. I didn't even remember

Tinselistacky Mon 04-Dec-17 17:31:54

Suggest she sees a bereavement therapist to ensure she realises his actions were not her doing. I am sure you are doing great just by being there .
flowers

Namechanger38 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:41:23

Thank you..I live a few hours away and have 4 kids - my husband is away with work just now- I was with her the past few days and my brother is just now as logistics are hard to stay longer but they are coming here for a while.

I need to find a bereavement therapist. Is there a good website that lists them by location?

I am dizzy as I havent slept..would it be worth getting some medication for myself to be more solid in support..she has diazepam which is helping.

My nephew hasn't processed it at all and is being very normal...is this usual does anyone know?

calamityjam Mon 04-Dec-17 17:54:08

Next week will be 11years since dh took his life age 29. I don't know if I can help, but please ask me anything if you think I may be able to help.

calamityjam Mon 04-Dec-17 17:56:08

Dcs were 3,5 and 9 at the time. They coped well but we had been split up 12 months.

butterfly990 Mon 04-Dec-17 20:23:09

Get in contact with Winston's wish for your nephew. His carrying on as normal was how my kids went through the death of their father, brain tumor.

We are further down the track and my 3 kids have all reacted differently. One is receiving counselling and is suffering repetitive headaches and missing a lot of school. The youngest will sometimes particularly at night start getting frightened that he can't remember his dad. He was 6 when his father died. Children process things in a different way to adults.

I found for myself what helped was allowing myself time to look through photos and created CD's of photos for relatives to hand out at the funeral. I also listened to a lot of songs to figure out mainly what to play at the funeral. I would cry through all this but I would push myself to get dinner, do basic household chores.

It is hard for you and especially your sister as their will be a lot of different emotions as there would be valid reasons for the divorce, but equally there would have been a time when she loved him.

www.winstonswish.org/
www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

My DD has seen 2 different counsellors over the 3 years. I would say she has a better rapport with her current therapist.

mrsmonkey14 Mon 04-Dec-17 20:32:05

I’m sorry for your loss. I have been in your shoes. I second the recommendation for Winstons Wish charity for advice for your nephew. Helping/taking on aspects of the funeral and other practicalities will help your sister.
One thing I did was ask for friends to write messages/give photos for my niece about her dad (eg funny stories from when they were at uni etc), to help keep his memory alive. There was a memory box at wake with cards and coloured pens etc.
I will also say - look after yourself. You will be grieving too, and feeling a mix of emotions. In hindsight I was really very affected but never really dealt with it.
Bereavement counsellors can work with a family to (separately) help mother and child - ie same counsellor but separate appointments.

Acrosstheuniverse123 Mon 04-Dec-17 20:36:50

Cruse is the best place for bereavement counselling. Winstones Wish is very good for children. I am so sorry for all of you going through this.

FreshStartToday Mon 04-Dec-17 20:42:30

I had a close friend go through this in very similar circumstances. It helped her to be given permission to be angry with him for making this choice, rather than stay and care for his kids; also to realise that there were other factors at play - he had lost his job sometime before. She was also reassured when feeling that she could /should have found him, go hear that men apparently rarely try suicide as a cry for help. Her therapist told her that men usually make sure that they can't be found/stopped. Hth

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