My Gran died

(22 Posts)
harrisey Thu 19-Apr-07 19:47:36

I know for most of you, this will seem OTT. I am 36 - and my Gran died on Sunday. I am so lucky to have had her for so long. For the last couple of years she has been losing her memory and has been ill with heart failure, but suddenly at the end of last week she went downhill and died on Sunday.

It just seems huge to accept that she is gone - she's always been there. I know she was ready to go, that death didnt scare her, that she knew her time had come, that she was sure of going to heaven. But I cant stop thinking 'I must tell Gran....' like I always did!

Somehow, having her for 36 years (unlike my Grandfathers, who both died when I was 16) has made me unconsciously think she was immortal! I cant believe that I cant call her, or write to her, that we'll not be in touch again.

Dunno why I'm posting this. Just - I miss her, I loved her, my dd2 is named for her, and I cant accept yet that she's not here any more. Her funeral is on Tues- I suppose that will make it more final.

OP’s posts: |
Pinkchampagne Thu 19-Apr-07 19:53:26

So so sorry to hear about your Gran, harrisey. It is not OTT to be so upset - she was your lovely Gran who has been around all your life. I love my 85 year old nan so much & know I will be shattered when she dies.

Thinking of you.xx

ScottishThistle Thu 19-Apr-07 19:56:16

I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your Gran, think of all the lovely things you did with her.

My Gran died when I was 23 and afterwards I fell to bits, was by far the worst time of my life to date.

WendyWeber Thu 19-Apr-07 19:57:35

for you Harrisey - I know my kids will feel like this when their grandma dies; she's 83, the only real grandparent they've ever had and she's always been there for them in the same way yours has (2 of the others died before they were born and the 3rd lived 200 miles away and they hardly ever saw him)

I'm sure it will take a long time before you know that she's gone. I hope having the funeral and talking to other people about her will help.

JoanCrawford Thu 19-Apr-07 20:03:09

harrisey, you've made me cry. It brings feelings back you see. I lost my beloved nan 7 years ago. We were very close, my dd is named after her also.

The first year after her death was not nice. Christmas etc, was hard but, as you know it'll get easier. I had my dd1 3 years after she died and it upset me that my nan never saw her. I know this sounds silly but after she died I, every now and then, had vivid dreams where she came into my room and we'd chat about all that was going on. They gave me huge comfort.

I remember watching the Oscars, was it two or three years ago? And Jamie Foxx had won the Oscar for the film, Ray. Anyway, in his acceptance speach he said that he couldn't wait to go to sleep that night so he could tell his gran all about winning in his dreams. That made me cry for ages.

Grans are special people.

bobsmum Thu 19-Apr-07 20:04:01

Harrisey - so sorry to hear about your Gran. Iknow wht you mean about immortality - my gran died in January after a long spell in hospital. Even though it was expected it doesn't make missing her any easier.

FWIW the funeral was great, sad but a real celebration of a long life lived well.

I posted when my gran died too - not sure why, but it just helped me to share a bit of what she was like and some of her loopy stories and hilarious experiences.

What was you gran like harrisey?

Will pray for your family to be uplifted and kept close to Him at this time

ScottishThistle Thu 19-Apr-07 20:05:30

JC, now you've got me started!...I still shed a tear for my Gran on a regular basis, only been a few years I've been able to talk about her without falling apart & she died 11yrs ago!

Wotzsaname Thu 19-Apr-07 20:08:52

Thinking of you and your family. So sorry.

bobsmum is right, it is a time to celebrate her life too - I am sure she would want some laughter while remembering her life.

I hope your children will remember the good things.

Mine do and we often talk about their Great Grandmother with laughter and fondness. Especially that she had one tooth and liked to eat jelly with them. Good excuse all round.

Thoughts are with you x

linjasmom Thu 19-Apr-07 21:49:10

harrisey Thu 19-Apr-07 22:36:10

Thankyou ladies for your lovely messages.

I will remember my Gran in her shop (she and my Grandpa who died 20 yrs ago had a Highland gift shop which had the most amazing smell!). She let me take my Grandpas morning roll to him in his office, like a real waitress! I made necklaces of buttons from her amazing button box. She had a guinea pig called Topsy that shared its food bowl with the budgie, called Tiny! Tiny the budgiw knew my name! Gran fed the seagulls from the windowsill in her flat and used to tell us off for running up and down in the flat while she was working in the shop underneath. Once I went for a walk with the family and managed to fall head first into a cow pat! Gran made me go straight into the bath and I was by turns pleased with her bathroom (she had a brilliant huge rubber ducky) and terrified by it (she had a huge bizzy lizzy plant that I thought might strangle me given half a chance!)
Gran could sew like noone else - made numerous ballet costumes, summer dresses etc and I think she was first getting old when I relaised she couldnt manage my wedding dress (12 years ago).
I stayed with her after she had her hip replaced 9 years ago adn we had a fabulous week of looking at old family pictures. I went on holiday with her for a week in 2000, to Oberammergau to see the passion play which she had always wanted to do, and had promised to take her back in 2110, but that was not to be. We had a lovely 10 days then, especially telling me all about my grandpa, who died when I was 16.
She was delighted when we gave dd2 the name Rachel Jessie - Rachel for my dh's Grandma who died 3 weeks before she was born, and Jessie for my Gran, who often lamented 'i wish I had a better name to give that bairn!', but about which she was secretly very chuffed.
I will miss her for the rest of my days, but am grateful to God for letting me have her in my life for over 36 years. She was a very special lady, and the world is a poorer place, and heaven a better one, for her passing.

Thanks for listening!

OP’s posts: |
fransmom Thu 19-Apr-07 22:45:08

jc i see my mom and nan in my dreams a lot too! i once saw my dad's mom - who i never met in rl - and although recognising her as a grandparent, i managed to get her surname wrong! i hope she will come and see me again so i can apologise! i also see my mom in dreams and the last time was when i was wondering why my dad didn't want to saty in touch anymore. my mom and dad were in a bank in town (which isn't there now) and i was trying to get their attention. dad wouldn't look but mom came out and told me that he wasn't ready. the strange tthing is that dp (who is a proper local) told me that the location i saw in my dream used to be a bank!

Wotzsaname Thu 19-Apr-07 22:47:19

queenrollo Mon 23-Apr-07 18:08:31

harrisey......i too lost a gran who was so very dear to me. you are in my thoughts.....

DumbledoresGirl Mon 23-Apr-07 18:18:46

Harrisey, I am so sorry. I lost my special grandmother 9 years ago when I was 33 and she was 94. It is so sad to lose someone who means so much to you and I still think about my grandmother from time to time with sadness, but mostly, I feel happy to have known her and proud to think that such a lovely woman was related to me.

The funeral will help you to accept her death I think. If you can, try to get some possession of hers. I don't mean special things particularly, just anything. After my grandmother died, all the immediate family went to her house and picked up bits and pieces. I got a bedroom chair which I keep in my bedroom, various bits of linen, and odd bits from the kitchen, as well as a tea set I love, which was a bit more special. It is so nice, even all these years later, to use her things and think about her as I do so.

IdrisTheDragon Mon 23-Apr-07 18:21:38

Really sorry to hear of this harrisey .

I still miss my granny who died when I was 19 (12 years ago) and I thought she would live for ever .

I know I will be sad when DH's granny dies (she is 96 and currently in excellent health, but it will have to happen some time).

Califrau Mon 23-Apr-07 18:23:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 25-Apr-07 14:25:18

Hi Harrisey,

I read your message and send you a virtual hug(((((())))))))).

My Nan died when I was 21 from MDS (her cons' had described her as "unlucky", MDS is a leukaemia related blood disorder). I felt an acute sense of loss when she passed away and I felt both bereft and very alone. I was at work at the time and my Mum asked me not to go to the hospital where she was. To this day I cannot remember that journey home.

The first Christmas was particularly difficult.

After being on emotional autopilot for some time I felt better six months later. That happened all of a sudden. Eleven years on from that time I look back with a mixture of sadness and happiness. I feel deeply honoured to have known her.

CRUSE are very good if you feel the need to talk with someone impartial. I wish I had done that at the time.

electra Wed 25-Apr-07 14:28:18

oh I'm sorry. I understand exactly how you feel. When people die they can't be replaced and they leave a big hole.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 30-Apr-07 14:53:20

"I look around and its you I can't replace".

That sums it up for me.

Hugs to you all on this thread ((((((((())))))))).

Dinosaur Mon 30-Apr-07 14:55:16

I'm sorry, harrisey. My granny (my last surviving grandparent) died in 1998 when I was pg with DS1 and I still miss her and think of her often.

harrisey Mon 30-Apr-07 18:37:25

Thanks ladies for all your support over this.
Gran died peacefully and was ready - its me who is dealing with it, I know she is in a better place.

She would have loved the funeral, it was really up her street. I am not on speaking terms with my mother and it hurt a bit that she didnt even say hello but totally blanked me (her and my stepfather and half-sister) at it - but in keeping with the fact that my family are never all talking to each other! Gran never was! Her brother she had never seen for 30 years was there!

It just keeps popping into my mind 'she's gone' - she s been there for so long its hard to believe it. It'll take a while to get used to I think.

OP’s posts: |
mariel Mon 30-Apr-07 22:39:01

am so sorry for your loss, your granny sounds like a very special lady. and sorry too that your mum didn't feel able to acknowledge you at the funeral, i know that must have hurt. can only add that my own grandmother's death was the deepest pain i have experienced - now almost 6 yrs on (with dd named after her) i still miss her but it does get easier. wishing you all the best ((()))

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