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My beautiful grandson died yesterday evening....

(50 Posts)
starshineangelxx Tue 14-Nov-17 14:15:29

... this is my first ever post but I need to know how to talk and what to say (without breaking down and crying myself) to my son and his fiance whose son was born too soon at 30 weeks last night and died an hour later.

How do I cope with my grief when its so heartbreaking listening to them cry over the death of their son, what do I say and do? The worst part of this is that they live in Colchester and I live in London and I am disabled and use a wheelchair and I can't be physically there for them.

regularbutpanickingabit Tue 14-Nov-17 14:17:36

I am so so sorry. What devastating news for all of you. Someone will be along soon to give you better advice but I didn't want to leave this hanging.
Just tell them you love them, tell them you love their son and just be there when you need there.
I hope you also have someone who can be there for you.

Thewinedidit Tue 14-Nov-17 14:17:44

I'm sorry I have no advice but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss, and your sons loss. I hope someone else can come and offer some comfort or advice.

rogueantimatter Tue 14-Nov-17 14:18:46

You don't need to say anything in particular. They will appreciate you phoning. Don't worry about crying.
Often it's helpful for people who have been bereaved to simply have the opportunity to talk about their loss.
[ flowers] for you all.

danTDM Tue 14-Nov-17 14:20:52

flowers

Adviceplease360 Tue 14-Nov-17 14:21:57

So sorry for your loss flowers

2littlemoos Tue 14-Nov-17 14:25:08

I have no advice OP but support them where you can and look after yourself. All the hugs and flowers for you and your family. sad

Sheila56 Tue 14-Nov-17 14:27:56

I'm so sorry for your loss..Nothing I can say will ease your grief, but I'm sending loving and healing thoughts and love..Is there someone nearby you can talk too?..You need to talk to someone, or just cry..Your son and his wife will know you're with them in spirit..

RainbowWish Tue 14-Nov-17 14:28:54

I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe you could send some flower to their home when they get home. But unfortunately apart from that just a wee text to remind them you are at the other end of the phone if they need a chat.
Love and best wishes to you all flowers

Ausparent Tue 14-Nov-17 14:33:17

I am so sorry for your loss. I found bereavementuk was really helpful when my father died.

I live abroad and I emailed my mum every morning for about a year after he died. Nothing lengthy but just to say hello and let her know I was thinking of her. We found we both really looked forward to the emails. Just knowing that you are there will be really important for her.

Hugs xx

MrsMozart Tue 14-Nov-17 14:33:52

I am so very sorry. Rest in peace sweet one.

ArnoldJRimmer Tue 14-Nov-17 14:35:22

I am so sorry for your loss. My son too was born at 30 weeks and died about an hour later. They will be in a bubble of grief just now so even just a text message letting them know that you are there for them is enough if you can’t be there physically. Sadly there’s nothing anyone can do for them but offer their support but moving forward please, please always talk about your grandson. It breaks my heart when people forget about him. Say his name, it will mean the world to them. And please allow yourself time to grieve for your grandson. It doesn’t get easier, but you do learn to live with it. flowers for you all x

LastOneDancing Tue 14-Nov-17 14:35:56

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers

troodiedoo Tue 14-Nov-17 14:41:37

So sorry flowers be guided by your son. Phone every day if you have that relationship. Refer to your grandson by his name. Make sure they are eating etc.

PrivateParkin Tue 14-Nov-17 14:42:55

I'm so sorry OP flowers for you and Arnold
I don't have any advice I'm afraid, but just wanted to say you sound like a very caring mum and grandma, and even if you can't physically be there with them, can you stay in touch via text/WhatsApp etc if you feel you can't speak?

angelopal Tue 14-Nov-17 14:44:50

Sorry for your lost. Be honest that you don't know what to say. When DD died neonatally I appreciated people saying that rather than nothing at all.

For support for yourself you could contact SANDS. My DM did this and she found it helpful to have someone to talk to.

starshineangelxx Tue 14-Nov-17 14:45:25

Thank you all for messages

ArnoldJRimmer I am so sorry for your loss too, I will take your advice to mention Jack Christopher often

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 14-Nov-17 14:46:39

I don't think a text quite hits the mark when your son has lost his child. I think a phone call is the absolute least you could do.

whiskyowl Tue 14-Nov-17 14:48:04

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers. And flowers for others who have endured the same heartache.

You don't have to be there physically to be there emotionally. Sometimes, listening and caring is what is needed. Keep them at the centre of things and listen carefully to what they are saying, not what you want to hear or what you think they are saying, and you won't go far wrong.

Dagnabit Tue 14-Nov-17 14:48:05

So sorry, OP, that's really sad flowers

Arnold flowers

rockcakesrock Tue 14-Nov-17 14:48:21

The most important thing is to allow them to talk, if they need to.

In years to come. be very sensitive to the date of the loss and the baby”s due date. The worse thing, I have found is the attitude that it was not a proper baby. This can be really hurtful when other children come along. Sometimes people just dismiss the firstborn if it is not a full term baby.

I am sorry for your loss.

Ceto Tue 14-Nov-17 14:51:12

I'm so sorry about this, OP. Do you have any friends or relatives who live near to you that you can talk to about this? I've always found that talking about it somehow makes it easier to deal with grief.

OlennasWimple Tue 14-Nov-17 14:52:54

flowers

MerryMarigold Tue 14-Nov-17 14:53:27

So sorry for the loss of your grandson.

You could perhaps get some meals delivered to them - ready meals from an online supermarket and other useful, general shopping (milk, bread, croissants, fruit) if you are up to doing that sort of thing. The last thing you want to do is cook or even eat when you're grieving, but if it's there it helps.

ThaliaLuxurySpa Tue 14-Nov-17 14:56:43

www.uk-sands.org/support/bereavement-support/information-and-support-grandparents-when-grandchild-dies-during-or

OP,

So very sorry this devastating event has happened to your family.
You may find the above information/support link useful whilst grieving for your beloved Jack Christopher.
It's specifically written for Grandparents.

flowers

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