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Feel strange....

(17 Posts)
Hotpinkangel19 Mon 13-Nov-17 18:20:51

Bit of background... I’m 32 weeks pregnant. During my pregnancy both of my parents passed away, Mum in June, Dad in August. Everyone thinks I’m coping well and I’m being so strong but I’m not. I’m in pieces. I’m just managing to get through each day for everyone else. But I’m heartbroken. All my life it’s just been me, Mum and Dad. Now it’s just me. My midwife has referred me for talking therapies and I have my first appointment tomorrow for CBT. I have Health Anxiety and OCD which I came off my medication for when I found out I was pregnant, and it’s affecting my day to day life.
I’m not sure what/how CBT is going to help - I’m going to be upset, but not sure going over and over everything will help.
Not even sure why I’m writing this - guess I just needed to get it all off my chest.

tellmehowtoget Mon 13-Nov-17 18:32:56

Oh my goodness I have no words and nothing helpful to say I'm afraid. I just wanted to say that people out here are listening and feel free to rant all you like x

Ausparent Mon 13-Nov-17 18:42:34

You poor poor thing op. Have you visited some bereavement forums? Bereavementuk is one which really helped me when my dad died. There are wonderful people there who understand what you are going through and you can vent and get stuff off your chest as you need to.

I think any big life events put into focus people who are missing and it is all so new for you.

I promise that it does get better but there is no timeline. You are going through so much change when you are also trying to get through losing your support

Sending you a massive virtual hug.

Hotpinkangel19 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:06:56

Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply. @Ausparent no I haven’t, I will look at it though, thank you. Sorry about your DF flowers

PissedOffNeighbour Mon 13-Nov-17 19:11:37

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. My parents passed away last year within 5 weeks of each other. It was awful and I seemed to be coping too but had a bit of a melt down in the October. I had some counselling from Cruse and it did really help. I still feel very sad sometimes but it is less often now. I have always taken great comfort from the fact that they weren’t apart for long. Sending you flowers xx

Hotpinkangel19 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:17:15

@PissedOffNeighbour I’m so sorry xx Glad to hear the counselling helped x

hungryradish Mon 13-Nov-17 19:25:05

That's horrendous - I'm so so sorry you're going through such a terrible time. Hope the cbt is helpful tomorrow.

minmooch Mon 13-Nov-17 19:42:11

I’m so very sorry, that is really tough, especially when you are pregnant.

I lost my eldest son three and a half years ago. I lost my mum the following year. I thought I wouldn’t survive. But I did. And am surviving. We are built to withstand what most would consider unbearable. All you can do is take each day as it comes. Sometimes you can only take it moment by moment. Accept all the help you are offered. Go very gently on yourself. I have done various courses of therapy but not CBT so I can’t help you with that one. My youngest son has done a course of CBT and he has found it invaluable.

You are having to deal with the loss of both your parents whilst pregnant - you are more vulnerable than at any other time. Hold on to the thought that you are growing a beautiful baby and when he or she arrives you won’t be on your own. Can you tell your baby about your parents? Taking endlessly about my son helps me, it keeps him alive within me.

One thing that has helped me is someone telling me that the love you have for your deceased loved one is forever present, and grows with you. I never say I loved my son. I always say I love my son, I love my mum. The love is always with me.

Wishing you much love and strength.

Hotpinkangel19 Mon 13-Nov-17 19:51:02

@minmooch That made me cry. Thank you. Losing your child must be unbearable, I have 3 children and I can’t even imagine. Big hugs xx

BonApp Wed 15-Nov-17 21:29:48

No advice hotpink but just sending you hugs and love.

MyGuideJools Thu 16-Nov-17 12:31:57

flowers hotpink I was on another thread. You were so kind when my dad died in September. I'm sorry you are struggling. I'm still finding it difficult coming to terms with the big dad shaped hole in my life so I can't imagine how tough it is for you.
Do you know if you are having a boy or girl? Could you use your parents name in someway? I'm sure your baby will learn all about its wonderful grandparents.
I really hope the cbt helps ⚘⚘

Hotpinkangel19 Thu 16-Nov-17 17:25:59

@MyGuideJools @BonApp How are you both??? I didn’t want to put this on the original thread as you’re both going through so much too flowers
I’m sure I’ll get there.... just some days are more difficult than others xx

Hotpinkangel19 Thu 16-Nov-17 17:27:46

@MyGuideJools We are having a girl... Dad knew this before he died and was so happy about it... we talked about names with him and he liked Poppy, we decided she would be Poppy as it was what he would have ‘known’ iyswim. X

MyGuideJools Thu 16-Nov-17 18:01:25

hotpink
I'm not doing too badly thank you. I miss my dad so much, especially this time of year, he loved Xmas so much, & we would be busy planning right now. We have his ashes home now, he's in his garden which he so loved. I still can't believe he's gone.
Thank you for askingflowers
I love the name poppy 💕

BonApp Thu 16-Nov-17 20:30:16

hot that's really lovely about baby Poppy. I can't articulate it well but that's great that your dad has made such a contribution to the person she will become (as she grows into her name) if that makes any sense at all

You can post on the other thread if you like, no worries.

Stay well. I really feel for you, you have been through such a lot and have so far to go. I really hope your new girlie will be a blessing that will take the edge off and give you a new reason to be happy.

jools thinking of you too, the run up to xmas must be so hard...

MyGuideJools Thu 16-Nov-17 22:21:22

Thanks bon ⚘I hope things are stable with your dad at the moment.
I found out earlier this evening that DD''s pals mum died yesterday from liver cancer. She was 52. Cancer bloody sucks doesn't it?!angry

MyGuideJools Fri 17-Nov-17 02:35:07

* not earlier this evening. I meant earlier this week!I don't know where the word yesterday came fromblush
Sorry that sentence is completely wrong. The poor woman died anyway, it sucks!

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