How will we get through the day? How will we cope seeing his coffin? My darling DM is going to pieces and I have 2 disabled DCs who will really struggle emotionally. I know that I have to be strong for them all today but what if I can’t? There is no one else who can be there for them. My stomach is churning already.
It will be an incredibly tough and exhausting day- but you can get through it and you will. I remember both of my parents’ funerals with fondness. Yes, they were overwhelming occasions but they were beautiful too. To hear so many lovely things about them and see all the people who had come to say goodbye was really comforting.
Why do you feel you need to cope? You are grieving, let the emotion out.
The worst thing my Great Aunt said to me as we entered the church for my Dad's funeral was "Be strong, make your Dad proud". It stopped the tears and was the worst feeling ever bottling everything up.
And Dad had a burial. Everyone looking at me expecting me to throw earth on the coffin. I was terrified of falling in the grave and couldn't do it (I have poorly controlled epilepsy and having a seizure and falling in would have been my worst nightmare) The layperson service took this as confirmation that I was not close to my Dad.
Wrong, my Mum had never mentioned me when going through my Dad's interests for the funeral. Only said how much he enjoyed his grandchildren. His grandchildren that I gave birth to. I'm an only child so of course I saw him regularly.
Sorry for rant.
And sorry for your loss. Get through the day anyway you can and don't give a stuff about how other people expect you to cope.
Today is a day to mourn and remember your father. Don't hold back your emotions, as part of the mourning and mending process, you need to release this emotion and have a darn good cry. Your children need to release this too... whether it is at the funeral, or sometime in private. Being together with your family and friends will give yourselves support to get through the funeral, and start on the next phase of mourning. Bear in mind mourning and healing will take a long long time, with many setbacks on the way ... but week by week, month by month you will get stronger again and it will hurt less...even after the difficult first year you will still feel much pain, but you will feel much better.
You can do it, just put one step in front of the other. In my experience funerals fly by, it'll be over before you know it. I remember my brother's funeral fondly, although I sobbed my way through it! If you're worried about crying in front of people, then perhaps remember that you won't be; no-one will be staring you in the face, they'll be sat by your side, in front and behind you. You can let yourself cry.
I am sorry. Somehow you will cope. The strength of others seem to help get though.
My dad died last year. I thought my mum wouldn't get through the service or my siblings. We did. We even did it singing his favourite song and laughing at something at the end of the service. Like LuckyB I have fond memories of my dad's funeral even though the grief was unbearable.
Let the funeral directors do their job. They will sort everything out and do everything they can to help you. And let the people who loved him support you.