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Inquest - did you attend?

(18 Posts)
dottyaboutstripes Thu 02-Nov-17 20:31:10

My DB passed away suddenly 3 months ago and today the date was set for the inquest. It seemed like an accident but I know they've found a suggestion of an overdose in blood which was taken at the PM. I don't know what to do. It's all so raw. I guess I'll find out anyway but would you attend? I'm sure whatever happens it'll be upsetting but I'm upset every day anyway iykwim

Oddbutnotodd Thu 02-Nov-17 23:05:39

I have been to an inquest. Initially I said I didn't want to go but decided to attend. It was a suicide. Glad I went and it was alright on the day. Upsetting but manageable.

AveEldon Thu 02-Nov-17 23:08:27

Yes we attended
Before our session we listened to the coroner opening and adjourning inquests for other people - some of which was quite sad - we weren't expecting this

LovingLola Thu 02-Nov-17 23:09:37

Yes. My dad's.

tofollowtheclouds Sun 05-Nov-17 19:34:57

I went to my partners inquest.

It was suicide but I needed answers as to how much he had drank, if he had taken any drugs etc as I thought this might help to explain it.

For me the inquest was bloody awful as they talk about the person you loved so matter of fact and with no proper compassion which is totally understandable but was hard to hear.

No matter how hard it was I'm glad that I went, I felt that it was the right thing to do for him also, almost like I was there to represent him iykwim.

Hope it helps you if you decide to go

mrsmonkey14 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:56:17

I’m sorry for your loss. Yes, I went to the inquest for my BIL, to support my sister. It was upsetting, but there was an opportunity for DS to ask qu if she wanted to know particular things.
It was fairly informal. The one thing that blindsided us both was the press presence in the room. One reporter subsequently wrote a horrible article about his death which was deeply upsetting. They tried to chat to my sister and initially she chatted back (she didn’t know it was a reporter) until I got them to back off. So you may wish to be prepared for that and plan what you might say - ‘sorry I’m too upset to talk to you’ might be a good phrase.

FlounderingDaily Sun 05-Nov-17 20:11:40

Yes, I went to my brother's. It was quite harrowing but I am glad I did go. There was also a reporter there which was a bit distressing, you kind of feel like you want privacy for the person who died and there's nothing you can do about it.

Lordamighty Sun 05-Nov-17 20:18:27

Yes I went to my father's inquest. I had to give evidence & I was so glad to have been there to speak up on his behalf.

chipmonkey Sun 05-Nov-17 20:49:22

Yes. I went to dh's. It still seems surreal that I just typed that. It was hard but also good. The garda passed on a message from a lovely man who had tried to help dh at the scene. He wanted us to know that he had prayed with dh. It gave MIL great comfort as she is very religious.

CPtart Sun 05-Nov-17 21:13:01

My DM was killed in a car accident last year and I'm still undecided. Her partner was driving (and survived) which complicates matters. We've been waiting 14 months already. I spoke to the A&E consultant who tried to save her at the time and the medical info he alluded to stays with me (I'm a nurse). Don't know if I could face listening to every gritty detail but feel I'll be letting her down by not attending.
Watching with interest.

GuinefortGrey Sun 05-Nov-17 21:20:03

I didn’t go to my DH’s. At the time I couldn’t bear to hear that he may have suffered or been in pain. My FIL attended but I have never asked him about it and he is too frail to ask now.

It was 10 years ago. I still don’t really understand what happened or how it was so bad that DH died (single car accident). I do wonder if it would have given me some sort of sense of acceptance or closure if I had gone though. I still have trouble believing that it happened. I don’t know if I can find out now, or if it would be possible for me to get a copy of the coroner’s report even if I wanted to.

I was very angry with the coroner at the time as he released information about DH’s organ donation even though I had specifically requested in writing with the organ co-ordinator that it remain private and only for me to know if I ever wished to find out in the future where his organs had been used. I was actually devastated about the breach of privacy and lack of respect for my wishes and wrote to complain. The Coroner’s reply was that he felt it was for the greater good (to encourage more people to consider organ donation) that he released the information and that basically it was selfish of me to have wanted to keep it private 😢. Maybe if I had attended the Inquest I could have somehow stopped him before he made it public, by the time I found out it was too late.

Thirdload Mon 06-Nov-17 13:14:14

I went to my close family member's inquest. I'm the sort of person who needs to know in order to move on, so I'm glad I went. The coroner read out a police report, but didn't read out loud some specific details about the scene, out of respect for the family attending. They didn't have all the answers but weighed up on balance what likely happened which made sense, upsetting though it was.
So sorry for your loss x

Babyroobs Mon 06-Nov-17 16:04:51

My dm died nine years ago in similar circumstances (accidental overdose of prescription medication). The inquest date was set for a few months later and then delayed for around another year whilst the coroner gained more information from toxicology / the drug company that made the drug etc. We all attended the inquest. I didn't feel our concerns were addressed by the coroner or that out legal representative was any use at all - they never charged my dad for their services so maybe they realised they were useless too !!. There was a representative from the drug company. The worst part for us, the family was the press being there and it being reported in the local media and sensationalised in the daily mail. At the time I felt truly suicidal myself but in time have been able to see that the media attention was constructive in that it highlighted the danger of this particular medication and hopefully may have saved someone else's life. The coroner recorded a narrative verdict in the end. It is not something I would ever want to go through again.

Babyroobs Mon 06-Nov-17 16:09:42

And I would echo what MrsMonkey says- do not speak to the press. You cannot prevent them being in the coroners court, but they are not interested in your suffering, just in their next story.

dottyaboutstripes Tue 07-Nov-17 12:54:31

Thank you everyone for sharing. I know it's hard so I appreciate it.
I think I will try to go so I can hear it all for myself - the coroner's office has told mum that we can have a transcript afterwards though if we want.
I did know about reporters as the inquest after an earlier family bereavement was front page news on all the local papers confused

Wrongwayup Wed 08-Nov-17 22:15:06

Yes I went. Didn't find it very professional. But felt I had to go. Press there and reported. Didn't even get her name right. X

123rd Fri 10-Nov-17 09:08:26

I did go to my dsis inquest.
She was killed by an elderly driver falling asleep at the wheel
Of his car.
The coroner was very mater of fact, didn't relate that the person he was talking about was loved by the people he was talking to. A very cold experience.
We had press there too. Whom we didn't speak too.
I felt I had to go but not sure it did me any good
Sorry for everyone

notapizzaeater Fri 10-Nov-17 09:12:38

Went to my bil to support my sister, tbh it helped with closure, knowing that there was nothing anyone could have done.

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