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Late partners family arriving today

(8 Posts)
tofollowtheclouds Tue 24-Oct-17 16:04:24

My partner took his own life this summer and for a number of reasons which I won't go into now I wasn't able to attend his funeral.

His family are coming over today, bringing his ashes back home. We are planting a tree in his memory tomorrow and will bury his ashes in the roots.

I am due to pick them up from the airport in a couple of hours and feel sick. I get on well with his family but it is obviously going to be a very emotional time.

My biggest concern is that shortly after it happened I pack his clothes up and have stored them in the spare downstairs room as I couldn't handle seeing his things every time I went to the wardrobe etc.

Now I'm not sure if I should unpack them all for while his family are here as what if they find it disrespectful that they are all boxed up??

They will be staying at a local hotel and as it happened in our home I'm not sure how to broach the subject of them coming round to the house. I absolutely don't mind for one minute for them to come here but not sure how they will feel about it.

It's my own fault for maybe not broaching this before but the only way I have been able to get through this awful time is to almost pack it all up into a box in my mind and keep the lid closed on it all but now it's all getting too real again and I'm scared of saying or doing the wrong thing to them, I don't want to upset them any more than they already will be.

What is the best thing to do?

BackforGood Tue 24-Oct-17 17:57:41

Why on earth do you think you should unpack them ? You are (understandably) not thinking very logically. I'm sorry for your loss flowers.
There is nothing odd or weird about packing up their things in a box until you are ready to deal with them. Some people would have left things as they were, some would have got rid of things altogether, others, like you would have put things away 'for now'. There is absolutely no 'right' nor 'wrong'.
What you might want to do, is try to sort in your own mind if you would mind other members of his family having the odd thing of his, as a keepsake / memory. If they live in another country, this might be an opportune time to think about this and maybe let them choose something but only if you are ready.
Don't be afraid to talk to them about him. Share memories. They will be huring too - as you are - and all of you might cry, but that is a good thing and a natural part of the grieving process.

BenLui Tue 24-Oct-17 18:02:47

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Packing up his things is completely normal and nothing to feel guilty about.

Yes, I’m sure it will be an emotional day for you all, but hard as it will be you might find that you feel better afterwards. Planting a tree is a beautiful way to remember him.

Regarding his family coming to the house or seeing his things, just see how it goes. There’s no right or wrong here.


AdalindSchade Tue 24-Oct-17 18:28:58

Are you going to offer for them to take any of his things as keepsakes? They may want to.

AdalindSchade Tue 24-Oct-17 18:29:31

Sorry I hit post too soon. Don't feel you are doing it 'wrong' you are doing fine. Strength flowers

tofollowtheclouds Tue 24-Oct-17 19:21:46

Thank you for the replies.

As usual I'm overthinking everything.

Because grief is so personal and everybody griefs I'm different ways I was so concerned that they may not like or agree with my way of coping.

The good news is I had nothing to worry about. I have picked them up from the airport and we even had a laugh about how they nearly left him on the plane.

We are going out for dinner soon and will share alsorts of memories about him which will of course be bitter sweet

Thank you again

2017SoFarSoGood Tue 24-Oct-17 19:27:46


ComeTheFuck0nBridget Tue 24-Oct-17 19:34:34

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Everyone grieves differently but I don't think you should worry about upsetting them. It's an upsetting situation overall and I know this sounds selfish but you just need to focus on yourself and what is right to you.

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