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Funeral guest etiquette

(5 Posts)
MrsExpo Tue 17-Oct-17 20:06:27

Very long back story, but to keep it concise, could I ask about the etiquette of attending funerals please. Long story short, friend's very elderly father passed away the other day after a long illness. She is now arranging the funeral and has been contacted by her sister's ex who has informed her he will be attending the funeral to pay respects to the deceased whom he held in very high esteem (in spite of being divorced from his daughter). Since they split, friends sister has also passed away but there is quite a lot of ill feeling amongst family towards the ex around the circumstances of the divorce, and some people are saying that he should not be invited.

Friend is now in the position of having to ask him not to come for fear of the upset his presence may cause within the wider family, but am I right in thinking that he can just show up anyway? Are funerals "invited guests only" events, or can anyone just show up and attend regardless of the feelings of the immediate family?

endofthelinefinally Tue 17-Oct-17 20:08:55

Anyone can come to a funeral.
Ideally he should arrive after the family and sit discreetly at the back.
Perhaps he should step out of sight as the coffin and family exit the church.

OlennasWimple Tue 17-Oct-17 20:11:37

Depends where the funeral is being held whether anyone can just turn up.

It is usual to put bad feelings to one side though, even if only for an hour. It is customary in many places for anyone who knew the deceased reasonably well to go and pay their respects at the service (but give teh wake a miss if they don't get on well with the family)

Topseyt Tue 17-Oct-17 20:20:11

You don't invite people to funerals. Not like weddings. It is more usual that you just publicise where and when the funeral will be so that those who have known the deceased can attend if they wish.

Hopefully he has the good sense and decency to slip in as unobtrusively as possible at the back and not cause a scene.

I don't think you can stop him coming.

Textpectation Tue 17-Oct-17 20:27:08

I have in the past been asked by a bereaved friend to contact someone to ask them not to attend a funeral. Had I not, they definitely would have come to the funeral and it would have added to the distress of the closest people involved.

It's such a personal thing yet it is seen as a public event. Who cares if this person holds someone in high regard and wants to pay their respects?You can ask someone not to attend but you can't stop anyone. People can be arseholes.

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