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The daft things that catch you by surprise

(33 Posts)
Fabellini Fri 22-Sep-17 23:18:16

I burst into tears on the phone today - speaking to the TVLicence people because the new tv licence came in the post with dhs name on it.
On the back of the letter it said you could change details online, but when I tried to change the name it said you had to have written permission from the licence holder......
I managed to get out the explanation, but then the lady on the phone started being nice to me and I just started crying.
So embarrassing sad

FadedRed Fri 22-Sep-17 23:34:41

Sorry for your loss flowers.
Yes to what you say, just when you think you are coping, something comes along to trip you up. Bugger.
When DF died, it seemed like every programme we watched on TV had a funeral in it, even the comedy programmes.
When DM died, I would end up in tears every time I went shopping for ages, because I used to do her shopping with mine, and it seem strange not be be doing that. Certain products still make me well up, three years on. Christmas shopping is difficult because I see things that I would have bought for her.
Most of the time, you can hold it together, and then some bastard starts being nice to you..........

TroubledTribble28 Sat 23-Sep-17 01:09:13

Why is it that people being nice sets us off when grieving?!? It makes you question your sanity 'Wtf brain?!? This sweet person is trying to be helpful'.
My first new £10 note set me off, it's something small and insignificant that we would have giggled about over our daily coffees. My dad only passed one week and a day ago so I may be tripping over my own feet for a while, he was just 52 and it was sudden and unexpected, we aren't able to have an open casket in the chapel of rest and peoples awful responses to this are keeping me awake even hours later.

FadedRed Sat 23-Sep-17 11:29:17

Oh Tribble, how dreadful for you flowers.
Why does anyone think that any words, other than condolences, are appropriate to someone who recently bereaved? You have more than enough to have to cope with, the last thing you need is unnecessary and unkind comments like that.

bigbluebus Sat 23-Sep-17 14:17:11

I agree it is the most ridiculous things. I was feeling somewhat sad and abandoned as I passed our GP surgery this morning, which was open (not usually on a Sat) and I realised that it must be the annual flu jab clinic. I used to go to that with DD and as her carer I also qualified for a free jab. Now she has died, I don't qualify any more - I'm not important now so it doesn't matter if I get flu. I know I can get one at a Pharmacy/Supermarket for £10 but that's not the point.

TroubledTribble28 Sat 23-Sep-17 18:25:05

BigBlue it was something you did together and that matters to you, all the small things add up to make the whole person we've lost and it's hard. Be kind to yourself flowers
FadedRed Unfortunately I am all too familiar with assholes being insensitive, why should a bereavement change anyone eh? sad

castasp Sat 23-Sep-17 23:41:14

I thought I was doing really well dealing with my Dad's death until my Mum sent us a wedding anniversary card. She sends us one every year, and I didn't think anything of it as I was opening the card, but then the card was signed " love Mum" instead of "love Mum & Dad", which is what she used to write.

Such a silly little thing, but OMG it hit me hard, I felt tearful the whole of the rest of the day after that.

It made me realise how hard it must be for her every time she writes a card out for someone now.

bigbluebus Sun 24-Sep-17 20:16:41

castasp A family member, to whom I had sent a birthday card and small gift from Me, DH & DS, sent a Thank you card in which she said how much she had missed seeing DD's name on our card. That set me off too.

MrsGrindah Sun 24-Sep-17 20:24:26

Oh I can identify so much with these.....completely agree to " missing names" on bday and Christmas cards.Also
Not being able to buy a Mother's Day card
Receiving my annual Jo Malone bday invite.. we went together last time
Words with friends.. can't play it but can't delete it
Seeing people who look like her.. I have to turn away
Unexpectedly seeing her handwriting.. that kills me...

littlecabbage Sun 24-Sep-17 20:30:45

My Mum now drives my Dad's car and I still think he has pulled onto the drive when she comes to visit.

Redglitter Sun 24-Sep-17 20:34:44

A particular song on the radio
Adverts for Fathers Day
Finding something with his handwriting

There's always something

PenguinRoar Sun 24-Sep-17 20:35:42

There's a woman in the school playground who looks just like my friend - same colour and type of fine gingery blonde hair, same build, same dress style and worst (though I don't know why) same glasses.

Every day, I avoid looking at her - she must think I'm awfully rude, but i absolutely don't want to catch her eye and look at my friend's glasses.

bringonyourwreckingball Sun 24-Sep-17 20:39:33

I edit a journal that my dad used to contribute to. Every time I have to edit a chapter his name is on it and some of the wording which is so him gets me. And now the publishers are taking his name off because I'm editing it and that hurts all over again

EdithWeston Sun 24-Sep-17 20:39:48

Christmas carols.

So many of them reference Jesus' death, and you just don't notice until every resonance hits home

BrioLover Sun 24-Sep-17 20:44:53

castasp my dad still signs my birthday card from him and my DM. It's been over four years since she died.

I bawled my eyes out in TK Maxx two Christmases ago. They had a glass jar of meerkat shaped jelly sweets - my mum loved meerkats and would have found it hilarious as a jokey gift. I reached for them grinning and then... remembered. A lovely lady squeezed some tissues into my hand and stood with me till I was done. So kind.

Daffydil Sun 24-Sep-17 20:54:36

I lost my dad 6 weeks after my first child was born. Writing "daddy" on my sons card to my husband at Christmas totally broke me.

It still gets me, 5 years later.

flowers OP xx

TarquinGyrfalcon Sun 24-Sep-17 21:02:06

Not long after my Dad died Sky changed some of the numbers of the TV channels.
I remember panicking and thinking how would Dad cope because he wouldn't be here to get used to the new numbers.
Utterly ridiculous, but for some reason it really upset me.

When DH and I moved house it suddenly struck me that for the first time in my life I was living in a house that my Dad had never been into.

echt Tue 26-Sep-17 08:47:33

In Au you have to renew your driving licence ten-yearly. One came through for my late DH so I went along to VicRoads yesterday to cancel it. It can only be done in person, with an original death certificate. The woman was so sweet, and asked how I was doing.

I'd heard stories about them cutting the driving licence in half, but she punched a hole in it, well away from DH's photo. I was in bits driving home. Another piece tidied away. sad

Fabellini Tue 26-Sep-17 11:58:46

It's the "tidying away", isn't it echt?
I'm so sorry for everybody on this thread, and their losses......I feel a wee bit crap for starting it now, I hope I haven't upset any of you sad

echt Tue 26-Sep-17 12:58:07

No need for apologies, Fabellini. The reminders are good as well.

I've had bit of a weep this evening. It's always the same, saying his name over and over; the first time for ages, and our old pooch came hobbling over to cheer me up. Like some sodding Disney film. sad grin smile

Redglitter Tue 26-Sep-17 13:25:51

I still have my dad's mobile number on my phone despite the fact he died several years ago so the number is long since disconnected

I was going to delete it until I got a pop up confirming i did want to delete it which read

'Confirm you wish to delete Dad'

There's no way I could ever press that yes button so his number stays

Daffydil Tue 26-Sep-17 16:42:09

I had exactly the same Redglitter.

Can't delete my dad sad

Timeforachange68 Wed 27-Sep-17 19:32:33

Handwriting is one that gets me - I found something with my dm's on & I realised she'd never write anything to me again & it sounds so trivial but really upset me

RooDaisy Wed 27-Sep-17 22:15:38

I was reading a book tonight and there was a sentence that got me, it was along the lines of "even though he was grown up and tough, he gladly took the support from his grandmother.
It hit home that I'll never get to have a huge love with my Nan again. I broke my heart.

It's coming up to almost a year and I miss her so much.
We lost my uncle in June, he was only 32 and was very traumatic so I cried for him as well.

Life is at cruel.


RooDaisy Wed 27-Sep-17 22:19:24

I sometimes message him on WhatsApp but then I have to delete the thread because I know I'm not going to get a reply. Self torture really but I can't help it.

I'll never delete either of them from my phone.

I had a birthday message from him, where he said he'd wish me happy birthday next year, I was gutted that I had to swap phones and lost that message, because I won't get another message off him again.

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