2 years today

[LordPercy]

It's 2 years today since we lost Dad. How can that be? I feel like nothing has changed...I'm still shell shocked as if I'm stuck in that bloody hospital, but on the other hand it seems like forever since I last spoke to him. I find that I often distance myself from mum as I'm going to have to go through this again with her and I can't face it. I look at the length of my parents marriage and think what if that's how long we have? It means we've got about 20 years left. I know these feelings aren't rational but it's what goes through my mind. I used to be believe in life after death and signs etc but lately I've come to realise it's all bollocks. I've been to the Kirk today and sat and raged/cried/thought as I find that after a lifetime of oversharing that I can't share this with DH or mum or even my brother, who feels as crap as I do. I'm so bloody angry. If there's 7 or whatever stages of grief, I'm stuck in that one. I can't spend the rest of my life feeling like this but it's only only to get worse when mum isn't here either. I feel like a wee girl lost in a shop waiting for her folks to find her.

No need to reply, just need to get it out my head as the dc are around me and I'm trying to keep calm and not pass on my desolation to them.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

2 years isn't very long at all when you've lost someone. Be kind to yourself. You never get over it, you just get used to it.

[alazuli]

OP it's been nearly 18 months for me and i feel exactly the same. in fact it's worse now than it was when my mum first died sometimes. i feel like my life is so pointless. i also measure out my life in how long until i reach the age when she died. i also find it impossible to share any of my thoughts and feelings with anyone (although unlike you, i was always reserved) but i am on the waitlist for counselling.

big hugs. you're not alone. xx

[maddiemookins16mum]

Hi Op, it's 4 years this coming Wednesday for me (my mum died). My dad died many years earlier. If I'm honest (and somewhat personal for me), the 4th anniversary for me is not 'as bad' as the 2nd. 'Experts' say it takes 18-24 months to even get used to it/sort things etc.

Counselling. It was the best thing I did. It helped me realise that "just" because I lost a parent (I was 49), it doesn't make me immune to the same loss/grief as losing a partner or child. It might be a different grief (if indeed there is such a thing, I think there might), but it's still an overwhelming loss.

[Foreveryseason]

@lordpercy it's like you're me. It's 18 months and I cannot comprehend how that can be. People keep talking about stages of grief and I haven't got stages, just this one. My very kind but slightly fumbling FIL recently said (when I mentioned my kids were struggling) "oh dear really I thought after the first anniversary it would all. Settle down for you all". It was all I could do not to scream (and he truly is kind and meant well)... It doesn't feel like 18 months, it doesn't feel like anything. It's just forever horrific.

[Rowgtfc72]

Three years today for me. No longer sad and smiling again at the memories.
If i close my eyes it feels like it was only yesterday that he sat in his hospital bed and I told him to be good.
BUT.. the goods overriding the bad now.
I guess we all just have to work through it in our own time.

for you all.