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Dad has died and I feel lost

(8 Posts)
alibaba1980 Sun 09-Jul-17 19:59:09

My Dad died 2 weeks ago, his funeral was on Friday. He was 73 and although had been ill for a while his death was a total shock. I live a long way from my parents so my mum is now on her own which I am really worried about. I have one more week off on sick leave but don't feel ready to go back. Mum isn't up to dealing with anything so I've had to arrange the funeral and deal with all of his estate. I feel exhausted and am struggling to parent ds age 5 and dd age 2, although dh has been amazing. I feel like I'm wading through mud and completely numb other than the times that I cry inconsolably. I'm very worried that people say this feeling doesn't go away, I want to feel like living again.

Katescurios Sun 09-Jul-17 20:11:21

My parents have both passed away, my mum when I was 21 and my dad when I was 28. The grief is something I will never be able to adequately describe but it does lessen even though it never fully goes away.

I find that focusing on the happy memories, sharing them with my husband and daughter, revising places or activities on occasion and generally reviewing the joy I had with my parents really helps.

Right now you need as much time as you need and should allow yourself this period of selfishness to let the grieving process happen.

Do consider though the impact of things on your overall life, for example you say you're on sick leave. If you need more time a DR will sign you off. If having more sick leave will mean losing pay or affecting your job security you need to consider that because adding more stress to your grief won't help in the long run.

Scream, cry, find something to hit, run, find something you can laugh at till you can't breathe. Do whatever you need.

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you and your mum will be ok soon.

Notreallyarsed Sun 09-Jul-17 20:13:07

I'm very sorry alibaba, my mum died 3 weeks ago today and I'm floored. I don't have any advice, just lots of solidarity and a handhold flowers

Notreallyarsed Sun 09-Jul-17 20:14:10

DP lost both his parents by the age of 19 and he keeps telling me that one day I'll find a "new normal", because I keep telling him nothing feels normal. Not in a dismissive way, in an encouraging way, that one day I'll learn to live with the void iyswim.

alibaba1980 Sun 09-Jul-17 20:34:43

I'm sorry for your loss notreallyarsed. I look forward to feeling normal again. I'd feel better if I could think straight, even every day tasks feel like hard work.

My work would be ok if I were signed off, they've been very good. I don't know whether more time off will help or whether I should get back to 'normal'.

Notreallyarsed Sun 09-Jul-17 20:38:28

Thank you ❤️ Take it at your own pace, if you feel ready to go back to work then go back, if you're not sure could they let you try and see how you go? Or if you're sure more time off would be better go for that.
There's no right or wrong way to do this, day by day is my mantra just now. Some days are minute by minute. I totally understand the most basic of tasks being totally out of reach, it's just so bloody overwhelming. Don't put pressure on yourself, it's totally understandable to be in bits so soon. Xxx

Notreallyarsed Sun 09-Jul-17 20:39:42

A friend recommended Mummylin's threads for support through bereavement so I'll pop the link here if you fancy a look (no pressure at all)

BeefyCakes Sun 09-Jul-17 20:44:12

Oh sweetheart. I am literally a year on from you, my dad passed away on 11th July, after a short illness, it was a complete shock. And fuck me it hurt so so much, I cried so many tears, I still sleep with one of his cardigans. And even a year on I cry, when I see something that my dad would have liked.

But it does get better, there will come a day where it doesn't hurt so much, when you can think of your dad and it'll be a happy memory.

With regards to work, get signed off until you feel ready to go back. Take your time, you need to do what you need to do in order to start processing the grief.

Take it easy, and take care flowers ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

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