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FIL died on Friday

(2 Posts)
mcsniffer Sun 09-Jul-17 19:20:13

My MIL died on Friday morning, although she had been ill for a long time, her decline was very sudden and the last two weeks have been a shock to us all.

I'm not very good in these situations and want really to be there for OH, as well as keeping up a sense of normality for our 7 month old (is that unreasonable?)

Im trying to be strong for OH, saving my tears for when he is not around (sunglasses and long pram walks) but OH is being very distant and spending time with his family whilst leaving me at home. I totally understand that he wants and needs to be with his dad and brother. But feel he is busying himself to avoid me when at home (could be a coping strategy), whenever we are together there is an atmosphere and we've just had our first argument since Friday when he belittled me over my parenting.

I need him to feel that I'm here for him but don't know how I can help him or what I can do as it seems that the current situation is not helping and only adding our already present relationship strains. Please can I have your ideas/suggestions! TIA

OpalIridescence Mon 10-Jul-17 18:11:59

Sorry for your loss.

I have been there. My MIL died very unexpectedly and at a relatively young age of 59.
I felt a desperate need to help my husband and I did show my support by following his lead, in early days taking care of practicalities if he needed to lie in bed, accepting that I was not part of the main group and being alone with the baby when he was with his family etc.
This is a path he will have to negotiate alone to some extent, he will have to find a way to live with his grief, it is awful and is a long process, you can only offer support and not take it too personally if he doesn't accept it for now.

I had known my MIL for fifteen years when she died and I found the shock of it and the loss very difficult. The spouse doesn't really get to express their feelings as the child of the deceased has a totally different kind of pain. I hope you have a friend or someone you can talk to, to express your own emotions about your loss and also give you some kindness while you play a very difficult support role.


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