I just need to put it somewhere, and don't know where else to say it today.
I feel so achingly, endlessly, dully sad.
My sister killed herself last year. Just sometimes, I can see past the shock, the horror, the waves of panic. But the sad won't shift. Where the hell is she? She can't just be nowhere? It just can't be. It's too sad.
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29 replies
AnotherBloodyNameChange · 27/06/2017 16:25
OP posts:
AnotherBloodyNameChange ·
27/06/2017 16:48
Thank you all for listening, and responding - means a lot 
OP posts:
PacificDogwod ·
27/06/2017 16:51
I am so sorry for your devastating loss 
The sudden death of a loved one is so much more difficult to process, and that of suicide is even harder for those left behind.
It IS very sad - my condolences.
Refilona ·
29/06/2017 23:32
From one of the Forces of Nature documentaries by Brian Cox, I love this thought and find it very comforting:
‘If you take Einstein’s universe at face value – and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t, it’s our best theory of space and time – then this picture of space-time, with events placed within it, suggests something wonderful, and I think quite magical.
‘If I leave a place in space, then it doesn’t cease to exist when I’ve left it, and in space-time, if I leave an event it doesn’t cease to exist when I’ve left it.
‘So, that suggests that all those summers you spent with your mum and dad, or that first Christmas with your grandparents long ago, all those most precious memories of people and places, all those summers and winters past, and seasons yet to come, are out there.
‘Somewhere in space-time.’
echt ·
30/06/2017 12:39
That is lovely, Refilona. Like the OP, I have struggled with my DH's sudden death. I am amazed and appalled that there is nothing, though I've not thought otherwise for all my adult life. I do not believe in an afterlife, and neither did my DH, but Brian Cox's interpretation of Einstein is so moving, and still so grounded in science: "our best theory of time and space".
Tip-top.
1234hello ·
30/06/2017 21:40
I hear you too Another
It is too sad. I wish I had some wise words.
Also echo that it is not bonkers to struggle with where they are and look for them, I do this too, even though it's totally illogical. Wishing you strength
mrsBeverleygoldberg ·
07/07/2017 22:15
I'm going through grief for different reasons- abusive childhood and going no contact with parents.
I have been stuck with sad for three years so far. There are published stages of grief... bargaining, denial, anger, sad, acceptance. Might not be in that order.
I have had counselling and cbt, which have helped massively. I think you may need counselling as suicide is very hard to process. Anniversaries will be harder and it's normal to feel sad. There are no simple answers to where she is and are based on faith. You need to figure this out because it is a journey only you can do. The struggle is within you. I am so sorry your sister died.
echt ·
08/07/2017 06:01
I might still be alive in 50 years (if I'm lucky), and will not have seen her in half a century
This is very like my own thoughts about my late DH. If I make my mother's years, I'll have lived as long without him as with him.
for us all.
VeryButchyRestingFace ·
08/07/2017 07:18
I might still be alive in 50 years (if I'm lucky), and will not have seen her in half a century.
I'm feeling that way about my mum. The most important person in my life for 30 odd years will eventually become just a vague memory.
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