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Can't move on

(9 Posts)
Lonelyinacrowd Fri 23-Jun-17 11:25:45

Just that really. My lovely mum died 4 months ago, and I can't move on. Everyday for the last couple of months I think about the days leading up to her death and how horrific it was for her (she was in pain and vomiting huge amounts of faecal matter due to her bowel being blocked by the bastard cancer).
I replay conversations we had and wish I'd said more/the right thing or done more for her.
I want to endlessly talk about the details of her death but I don't - nobody is that patient!
It feels like I constantly have the 'last few days' film playing in the background, whatever I'm doing. Sometimes I ignore it for a bit, but it's always there and I spend time everyday watching it.

AnneOfCleavage Fri 23-Jun-17 14:28:24

I'm so sorry flowers 4 months is not that long ago you know so it's not surprising you still feel raw. You need to be very kind to yourself and not put too much pressure on putting on a brave face. Could you write down all your feelings as it may help cathartically. Do you have an understanding partner you can talk to?

ParadiseCity Fri 23-Jun-17 14:31:35

You don't have to move on. You are doing the best thing of thinking about it, because it was very very unfair. Someone should be patient and listen to you. Partner, a friend? Or Macmillan or Samaritans? You can post on here of course but be careful as the daily shit-rag papers have no respect. Hugs for you.

Hotpinkangel19 Fri 23-Jun-17 17:47:30

Oh OP. My mum died 3 weeks ago, I watched her die, but it was different to your poor mum flowers Please find someone you can talk to xxx

echt Sat 24-Jun-17 06:12:13

Four months is no time at all, Lonely, and your mum's death was undoubtedly traumatic, so you will think about it a lot. I still re-play finding my DH all the time.

I don't want to be horrible, but you never move on in the sense of get over it, but find other accommodations. You say you want to talk, and I hope you find this. It's so important. Do you feel you can't speak to friends or have they indicated they don't want to know? Sometimes people are shy of offering to be an ear for you because they think it might appear ghoulish. Ask someone you trust, tell them what you want, and you may find that person.

All the best thanks

Zampa Sat 24-Jun-17 06:17:10

It took me years and years to cope with the grief of losing my Mum. Please don't think that you have to have dealt with it in 4 months.

Grief counselling from Cruse was really beneficial for me and allowed me to talk and share details to my hearts content.

AlmostAJillSandwich Sat 24-Jun-17 06:20:38

It was 7 years for me on June 10th, i'm only just being able to think of her and sometimes see good memories not bad ones. In the process of being referred for counselling as due to my own illness that makes me almost completely housebound i couldnt visit her or be with her when she died and the gulit eats me up every day.

mumblechum0 Sat 24-Jun-17 06:25:50

I lost my dad 7 weeks ago, and my mum a year earlier. I've had a few counselling sessions whihave been hugely helpful as, even though I have a lovely husband and close friends, it was easier to talk to someone totally separate.

I suggest that you find a bereavement counsellor.

echt Sat 24-Jun-17 07:06:40

thanks Almost

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