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obsessing over death

(5 Posts)
Snowsquonk Mon 29-May-17 21:57:38

My father died at the end of March. He was in his late eighties and died in hospital after a short illness.

I was in hospital with him a lot and I am going over and over what happened time and time again. I think I am searching for something that I or the medical staff missed, or maybe I am just trying to make sense of his final days.

Is this normal? Its starting to feel not normal - I keep googling symptoms and trying to work out the timings of different things that happened....

I am finding it hard to let this go. Do I need help?

alazuli Mon 29-May-17 22:58:20

hi op, sorry for you loss. very normal i think to try to work out if you missed anything. i think this is guilt that you're feeling because ultimately your father's death was out of your control. my mum died of cancer and there's been so many times that i thought why didn't i suspect it earlier even though i'm obviously not a doctor or a psychic.

if you feel like you're getting obsessed maybe you should try bereavement counselling?

Howlongtilldinner Mon 29-May-17 23:01:27

I think this is very normal, and part of the grieving process. You feel you could have done more and are trying to find out where. I too am in this position, and question medics.

I don't know how to get over this if I'm honest, but I am going to have counselling to help me.

cupthejunction Tue 30-May-17 11:36:35

Op I'm so sorry for your loss.
What you're describing sounds like the bargaining stage of Grief and very normal.
My mum died last August of cancer and I find myself saying if this had been different or if there were more staff on that day at the hospital she'd have received better care but it's like an unwillingness to accept the truth of the matter.

It's so soon after your loss, I'd just be very kind to yourself and let these thoughts flow through you without necessarily following them or at least giving them too much time.

Snowsquonk Tue 30-May-17 19:26:13

Thanks - so probably normal, counselling if it sticks around. Got it. Grief sucks.

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