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Neighbours mum has died.

(6 Posts)
unsure1234 Mon 29-May-17 18:06:45

Both my dh and I get on very well with a lady who lives across the road from us (almost directly so see her fair bit), and our lb loves to see her, as does she with him I would say. She was a carer for her elderly mum. Last week she was telling my dh that her mum wasn't very well at all.
On Saturday we were coming back from the shops and saw a private ambulance outside the house (we turned into our road and saw it, we weren't deliberately being nosey or anything). Then a short while later my dh had to leave for work, and as he opened the front door, (I'll put this as best I can), we saw her mum being put in the ambulance (again by no means on purpose at all, and as we realised we closed the door over, as a sign of respect, it wasn't our place to leave the door open we felt).
So of course we know she has lost her mum. We haven't seen her to talk to since, so she hasn't actually told us, and we can't be 100% sure they would have noticed our door open briefly, so may not be aware that we know, and we didn't wish to intrude the first couple of days at this difficult time.
We would like to get a card for them. But this is my question. Would it be best to knock with it or put it through the door anyway, and say not intentionally but we saw the ambulance... or to wait until we do see her to talk to and give it after that. We don't want it to look like we've only given a card after they told us type of thing. Any advice welcome. Thank you. (I've tried to word it as respectfully as I can. I hope I've caused no offence to anyone).

TwitterQueen1 Mon 29-May-17 18:12:50

Knock on the door with a card. I have recently done this with a deceased neighbour and I know the bereaved person was glad I called. Sometimes people do want to talk, sometimes they don't. You will be able to tell from your neighbour's demeanour.

unsure1234 Mon 29-May-17 18:23:01

Thank you. We will get one tomorrow. Any advice on what to put in it would be much appreciated?

Liska Mon 29-May-17 18:43:23

Knock on the door. And its ok to just say that you don't really know what to say but are really sorry and are there if she wants to talk/needs anything.

Vonklump Mon 29-May-17 18:58:06

It doesn't matter what you put to a large extent, if you didn't know the deceased person. It's the fact you have made the effort to give them a card.

It makes a real difference.

I agree knock on the door with the card.

viques Mon 29-May-17 19:11:01

Please pop over and see her now. Don't wait to buy a card. Just knock, say you don't want to intrude but you want to make sure she is ok. She might say she is fine, or she might need to have a bit of human company and talk for a few minutes. You can buy a card As well tomorrow but I think personal contact is more important.

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