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No grandparents for our baby.

(5 Posts)
InThisTogether Mon 29-May-17 16:15:14

Hi all,
Tha ks in advance for reading this. There's not really a lot anyone can say but I wanted to post anyway.
DH and i have been together for nearly 15 years (married for 1). 10 years ago his mum died, then 9 years ago my dad died too, leaving us with "a parent each" as we used to joke. I am an only child and he has one sister.

This time last year my lovely mum died (on my birthday) after a long and violent battle with cancer. I was with her in the hospital for the 6 weeks it took her to give up fighting and it was harrowing watching her waste away and gasp for breath.
We've since spent the last year trying to renovate her (semi derelict) house whilst living in it, it isn't very far along (currently no hot water/ heating/ flushing toilet but that's being sorted).
Now exactly a year on my husband's lovely dad (our "last man standing") has died a horrible death from smoke inhalation in a house fire on his (uninsured) home a week ago. He didn't own it as he's been chipping away at the value of it through one of these equity release companies so I'm not sure how to move forward but that's another story!)

We are now waiting for coroners reports before a death certificate can be issued, meanwhile the house is left empty and uninsured and inviting trouble.

I am now 13 weeks pregnant with our first child (after ttc for 3.5yrs) and am just so sad that we can't share the news with any grandparents or aunties and uncles (apart from my dh's sister who is obviously heartbroken about her dad).

I know it's selfish but I'm so angry about friends who have all 4 parents still here (we are both in our early 30's and it seems everyone else has all 4 left).

As i say there is nothing much to say to me, just needed to get it off my chest.
Thanks for reading!

OhPuddleducks Mon 29-May-17 16:22:49

Oh OP. A MASSIVE congratulations on your much longed for and waited for pregnancy. I'm so sorry I don't have anything wise to say that will help you in what must be an incredibly sad situation. I hope that when you meet your baby you see a bit of each of his or her grandparents in him/her. Hugs to you. X

Kittykatclaws Mon 29-May-17 16:29:59

What a sad situation to be in, I'm sorry for the losses of all your parents, the last few years must have really taken their toll!

Massive huge congratulations on your pregnancy though! please take it easy and try not to focus on this too much and if you do find it getting difficult please speak to your midwife. It will be a very emotional time for you and you need to look after yourself! flowers

MMcanny Mon 29-May-17 16:36:44

So sorry for your losses. I never knew a grandfather and always wondered what one would have been like. My own dad is a great papa. Even though dh's dad is alive, he's seen the kids just a handful of times and eldest is 13. We've never had much babysitting from any grandparents and never expected it tbh. Sorry you won't know what relationship yours could have had but it's not always the joy you would wish.

ElspethFlashman Mon 29-May-17 16:44:50

Well we're in (almost) the same boat. 3 out of 4 dead before we had kids.

It's sometimes a bit poignant. You long to tell them things, and to see then beaming at the kids. That never gets easier.

You wonder how on earth you will be able to portray the full vitality of someone in anecdotes. You waver between wanting to bore the pants off the kids with stories of the grandparents and never really talking about them at all.

Mine are too young yet really, but I have photos of the missing grandparents everywhere. They may be missing out but I'm damned if they'll be missing in my house.

So the kids will grow up with their faces and will someday be mildly curious. That's all I can do.

In the meantime you just keep on keeping on.

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