Hello all,
I am a newbie here, I just wanted to share my recent experience and perhaps ask for some advice from other mums who have been in my situation.
Approaching 2 weeks ago I was given the devastating news that our little boy had no heartbeat at 38 weeks gestation, I gave birth to him two days later. He was absolutely perfect. We named him Edward William.
My pregnancy had been fairly straightforward, nothing particularly to note, just usual sickness up to 12 weeks. He was a very active boy, always pushing up into my ribs and wriggling around at night.
I had noticed the day before my routine midwife appointment that he had been a little quieter than normal, however like clockwork, just before I went to bed, he was shoving his bottom right out and making me feel as though he was just going to burst out my tummy at any moment. At that point I wasn't concerned, my baby was still moving and causing me to take sharp intakes of breath when he shoved a little too hard.
I saw my midwife the next morning for a routine check up. I told her about his movements the previous day but I wasn't overly concerned as he had done his usual acrobatic routine the evening before. I hopped up onto the bed for the midwife to have a listen with the doppler. She tried for what seemed like forever but she couldn't find Edward's heartbeat. I was sent straight away to the hospital, where an ultrasound confirmed that our little boy had passed away.
The pain I felt was indescribable. I remember the feeling of complete disbelief. I couldn't accept that our boy was no longer alive. They scanned me again, but still nothing. He was gone. The hospital gave me a tablet which would "switch off" my placenta and get me ready for the next step, which would be to deliver my baby 48 hours later - something which completely horrified me, I couldn't stand the thought of going through labour and my baby not being alive.
The days that passed following this were a blur of constant crying and feeling as if my whole world had stopped turning. I didn't want to accept it. My partner was just as devastated as me, we were both in complete shock.
We didn't make the 4pm hospital appointment 48 hours later, as Edward decided he didn't want to wait that long. At just before 12am the day following the news, my labour started. By 5.29am Edward was born.
There was nothing obviously wrong with our precious boy. He was so perfect, he had my nose and his dad's mouth. His little hands were just like mine and his feet were unfortunately similar to his father's. I willed him to take a breath or open his little eyes but no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn't wake.
My partner and I were able to stay in an apartment in the hospital with Edward. We were allowed to stay for as long as we wanted, so we could spend time holding, cuddling, kissing our dear boy. We stayed for a few days before returning home without our baby.
That was nearly two weeks ago. Tomorrow we are having a service for Edward and he will then be cremated. Tomorrow was his original due date.
The time since Edward being born has been a blur. Everyday is different but the same. I have tried to keep busy but nothing changes the way I feel. I have cried every day since finding out he had passed away.
My partner has been absolutely amazing and so strong. We have both said we feel infinitely closer to each other since Edward was born. My love for that man will last forever I'm sure. I have tried to be strong for him too, he did say how proud he was of me and amazed at my strength and courage throughout the whole process, even though I feel as if I'm a massive mess.
I'm at a stage currently where in between thinking about everything that has happened, I am thinking about being pregnant again. I feel as if I have had my right to be a mum stolen from me and all I want now is to be a mum. I have spoken to my partner about trying again and he has said he wants to.
Question 1 -
When have other mums in this situation decided to try again?
(I'm still bleeding currently but it has slowed significantly - barely any at all. Is 2 weeks too soon?)
How soon after a stillbirth/miscarriage did you fall pregnant again?
Was it a successful/normal pregnancy?
Were you induced earlier because of stillbirth previously?
Question 2 - how soon following a tragedy such as this did you return to work?
I feel at the moment quite apprehensive about returning to work. I am self employed so I should hopefully start receiving maternity allowance, which is significantly less than the Stat maternity pay, so I am worried about finances. Especially as I don't even have a baby to look after now. I don't know whether to start working somewhere else entirely just so people don't know me or what has happened. I don't know how many times I can take people telling me how sorry they are or having them ask if I'm ok. I know they mean well but it just feels overwhelming. I'm a veterinary nurse and I'm worried about making mistakes because I can't concentrate. I can't really afford to be making mistakes. I almost wish I had an office job where I could just sit and stare at a computer screen all day.
Any other advice would be greatly appreciated, I feel like I had more questions but my brain has stopped working now.
Thank you in advance for any responses I get.
Jenny.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.
Bereavement
Stillbirth at 38+2 - Advice? Long Post as I am getting it all off my chest..
25 replies
JennyRMorris · 29/05/2017 14:18
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.