After he's gone

[givemestrenght]

My father passed away two weeks ago. I think I'm doing ok but at the same time I just can't face people. I'm angry with how some of my closest friends acted about his illness.

The last 6 months of his life were really tough. He was very ill and we were brought in to many side rooms telling us the worst news and to brace ourselves only for him to get a second wind and give us more time.

During that time some of my closest friends never asked how he was and would seem surprised when I wasn't around to go out for drinks etc.. normal life seemed so far away during those months. I lived in the hospital with him going home to get broken sleep for fear of a dreaded call. They just didn't seem to want to know or care when I gave them an insight. I'm a private person and didn't harp on about him but he was always on my mind during that time.

Now he's gone I just can't seem to get myself to do normal socializing with people. I do go out with my kids and have fun days with them but just can't face other people. I don't want to talk to them about it and I don't want to listen to them either.

Will I ever be able to face people again?

[BusterGonad]

I haven't been through this, so I can't really help, you're told time heals but I have no idea how long it will take or if it does. I hope someone will come along soon to offer some better help than me.

[user1490395938]

Hello op, first of all I am so very sorry to hear about your dad. You did your very best for him during his last days and you sound very devoted and I am certain he'd be extremely proud of you.
Your friends should have been more supportive and understanding. You need space for the time being, don't worry about other people, just be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to grieve and try and make sense of things (although that will seem very difficult I know). Sending you huge hugs xxx

[Frazzle76]

Hello,
My mum passed away in January 8 months after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She was very ill the whole time but in total pain for the last few months. I have found that a few friends just ignored the fact I was caring for her, ignored that she was ill and communication ceased almost completely. People have said, 'oh it's because they don't know what to say'
But in my mind this is absolutely no excuse and I haven't told these people she's dead or that I was pregnant and recently had a little girl because they haven't contacted me to see how I am.
So no, I don't think it's at all unreasonable to feel as you do.
So sorry for your loss, the physical ache never gets better but you get better at living with it and your dad would be so proud of you holding it together while looking after him. You did absolutely everything you could and that is a true gift. Xxx

[rizlett]

I remember feeling that my whole world has stopped and I was angry with people who just continued their lives the same when mine had been so devastated.
It was hard but over time it did get better - remember these feelings are only temporary.

[Poudrenez]

I think your reaction is normal, OP. My little brother died three years ago, and it was amazing how little some people cared. It really changes things. Is anyone coming through for you, though? They're your real friends.



A slightly different viewpoint - have you always been as attentive to people in distress, as you wish they could be to you? I know that I haven't always been there for friends as much as I should have. I'm kicking myself now, and make a point of asking how things are. Without losing my brother I wouldn't have known how important this is to people, although it does seem kind of obvious now....