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Thank you notes after funeral

(31 Posts)
Maremaremare Mon 22-May-17 12:01:03

We had my mother's funeral recently and my Aunt mentioned that we need to write thank you notes. Is this still the done thing? Do I write them just to those who attended the funeral, or those who sent cards as well? Or just to thank those (that I know of) who donated money, to a hospice?

Advice appreciated!

Maremaremare Mon 22-May-17 12:01:28

Also, does an email suffice, or do I need to write a letter/card?

SprinkleOfInsanity Mon 22-May-17 12:04:11

I have NEVER heard of thanking people for coming to a funeral. Usually there are thanks given to people personally if they attend the after 'party', just in general chit chat.

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

SleightOfHand Mon 22-May-17 12:04:56

I don't think there's any need for thank you notes. You've got enough on your plate, most people would understand this. I'd take no notice of your Aunt in this case. Sorry for your loss.

ilovepixie Mon 22-May-17 12:13:03

My dad died in November and we didn't send individual thank you notes after the funeral. We did put a notice of thanks in the local paper a couple of weeks after the funeral , thanking everyone who calked, sent cards, the hospital and hospice who cared for him and so on

bigbluebus Mon 22-May-17 15:59:10

I think people just tend to put a thank you/acknowledgement in the local paper if there is one. We had about 200 cards and 180 people to the funeral after DD died - no way could we have written to all those people.

Hissy Mon 22-May-17 16:00:10

Good god no!
Whatever next!

cheeeekyavocado Mon 22-May-17 16:00:10

Ridiculous idea, never heard of that.

Just put a notice in the paper if you feel the need to, definitely not necessary for individual cards.

MerryMarigold Mon 22-May-17 16:01:25

I've never received one nor sent one.

KoalaDownUnder Mon 22-May-17 16:02:07

Oh gosh, no. I've never heard of expecting a thank you from a bereaved person.

Sorry for your loss. flowers

Reow Mon 22-May-17 16:06:33

Never heard of it.

MackerelOfFact Mon 22-May-17 16:07:02

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Definitely no need for thank you notes, your mother has died, I don't suppose you're feeling especially grateful. I wouldn't be.

Floralnomad Mon 22-May-17 16:10:50

Sorry for your loss , ignore your aunt she's talking rubbish .

Tootsiepops Mon 22-May-17 16:13:13

My mum, dad and brother all died in the last few years. I've never heard of sending thank you cards following a funeral, and I'm now pretty much an expert at them having planned three of them!

Sorry for your loss op. flowers

QuietCorday Mon 22-May-17 16:15:43

I have never heard of writing thank you notes after a funeral, and I'm quite old-fashioned about these kinds of things.

No one should expect a note from a bereaved party either.

TheMerryWidow1 Mon 22-May-17 16:16:13

I wrote notes to people who sent flowers and donations only.

BackforGood Mon 22-May-17 16:16:38

Good grief no.
I have been to a LOT of funerals, and have had to organise 3 myself.
Thank you notes are NOT a thing.
You are bereaved. You have more than enough on your plate. No_ONE will be expecting a thank you note.

Maremaremare Mon 22-May-17 21:23:50

Thank you so much for these responses - what a relief! Actually, I think it was my MIL rather than my Aunt who said about writing thank you notes. She is not English, so maybe it is a cultural thing. Anyway, big sigh of relief!!

1bighappyfamily Mon 22-May-17 21:29:41

In Ireland it used to be that a card (generally not personalised) was sent to all who came to the funeral to thank them for their support. Now, it tends to be a notice in the paper a month or so later.

Never been to a funeral in the UK.

dublinmary Mon 22-May-17 21:31:27

I'm sorry for your loss. In Ireland it is traditional to send printed acknowledgement cards and a prayer card to those who wrote or gave a mass card following a bereavement. Maybe that is similar to your MIL's tradition. I haven't seen them in the UK though.

VeryButchyRestingFace Mon 22-May-17 22:21:54

I haven't even put a notice in the paper after my mum's funeral last month. Too much to be getting on with.

As for individual thank you notes - pfffft.

29Palms Sat 27-May-17 00:47:35

After my mum died I wrote a letter back to everyone who had written me a letter (as opposed to a card). For everyone else I put an acknowledgement notice in the local paper.

Frazzle76 Sat 27-May-17 05:08:18

My mum died recently and I got cards with a picture of her on and sent one to all her friends to remember her by. But I went through her address book and if people weren't in there they didn't get one so I'm sure there's lots I missed out. However that was choice not need and it took a lot of effort.
Sorry for your loss, make time for yourself and it's ok to still feel awful months later. Grieving takes years. Xx

shortscotty Sat 27-May-17 08:19:19

Hello, I'm sorry for your loss. We lost my father in law last week and are just sending a thank you to the funeral director and those who did the bunfight after. Not doing one for everyone who attended, I don't think they'd expect one

Bubble2bubble Sat 27-May-17 09:21:30

Definitely a thankyou to those who donated would be normal, but never heard of writing to everyone who came to the funeral. ( in Ireland, so that would be a lot!)

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