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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Thank you notes after funeral

30 replies

Maremaremare · 22/05/2017 12:01

We had my mother's funeral recently and my Aunt mentioned that we need to write thank you notes. Is this still the done thing? Do I write them just to those who attended the funeral, or those who sent cards as well? Or just to thank those (that I know of) who donated money, to a hospice?

Advice appreciated!

OP posts:

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Maremaremare · 22/05/2017 12:01

Also, does an email suffice, or do I need to write a letter/card?

OP posts:

SprinkleOfInsanity · 22/05/2017 12:04

I have NEVER heard of thanking people for coming to a funeral. Usually there are thanks given to people personally if they attend the after 'party', just in general chit chat.

I'm sorry for your loss

SleightOfHand · 22/05/2017 12:04

I don't think there's any need for thank you notes. You've got enough on your plate, most people would understand this. I'd take no notice of your Aunt in this case. Sorry for your loss.

ilovepixie · 22/05/2017 12:13

My dad died in November and we didn't send individual thank you notes after the funeral. We did put a notice of thanks in the local paper a couple of weeks after the funeral , thanking everyone who calked, sent cards, the hospital and hospice who cared for him and so on

bigbluebus · 22/05/2017 15:59

I think people just tend to put a thank you/acknowledgement in the local paper if there is one. We had about 200 cards and 180 people to the funeral after DD died - no way could we have written to all those people.

cheeeekyavocado · 22/05/2017 16:00

Ridiculous idea, never heard of that.

Just put a notice in the paper if you feel the need to, definitely not necessary for individual cards.

Hissy · 22/05/2017 16:00

Good god no!
Whatever next!

MerryMarigold · 22/05/2017 16:01

I've never received one nor sent one.

KoalaDownUnder · 22/05/2017 16:02

Oh gosh, no. I've never heard of expecting a thank you from a bereaved person.

Sorry for your loss.

Reow · 22/05/2017 16:06

Never heard of it.

MackerelOfFact · 22/05/2017 16:07

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Definitely no need for thank you notes, your mother has died, I don't suppose you're feeling especially grateful. I wouldn't be.

Floralnomad · 22/05/2017 16:10

Sorry for your loss , ignore your aunt she's talking rubbish .

Tootsiepops · 22/05/2017 16:13

My mum, dad and brother all died in the last few years. I've never heard of sending thank you cards following a funeral, and I'm now pretty much an expert at them having planned three of them!

Sorry for your loss op.

QuietCorday · 22/05/2017 16:15

I have never heard of writing thank you notes after a funeral, and I'm quite old-fashioned about these kinds of things.

No one should expect a note from a bereaved party either.

TheMerryWidow1 · 22/05/2017 16:16

I wrote notes to people who sent flowers and donations only.

BackforGood · 22/05/2017 16:16

Good grief no.
I have been to a LOT of funerals, and have had to organise 3 myself.
Thank you notes are NOT a thing.
You are bereaved. You have more than enough on your plate. No_ONE will be expecting a thank you note.

Maremaremare · 22/05/2017 21:23

Thank you so much for these responses - what a relief! Actually, I think it was my MIL rather than my Aunt who said about writing thank you notes. She is not English, so maybe it is a cultural thing. Anyway, big sigh of relief!!

OP posts:

1bighappyfamily · 22/05/2017 21:29

In Ireland it used to be that a card (generally not personalised) was sent to all who came to the funeral to thank them for their support. Now, it tends to be a notice in the paper a month or so later.

Never been to a funeral in the UK.

dublinmary · 22/05/2017 21:31

I'm sorry for your loss. In Ireland it is traditional to send printed acknowledgement cards and a prayer card to those who wrote or gave a mass card following a bereavement. Maybe that is similar to your MIL's tradition. I haven't seen them in the UK though.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 22/05/2017 22:21

I haven't even put a notice in the paper after my mum's funeral last month. Too much to be getting on with.

As for individual thank you notes - pfffft.

29Palms · 27/05/2017 00:47

After my mum died I wrote a letter back to everyone who had written me a letter (as opposed to a card). For everyone else I put an acknowledgement notice in the local paper.

Frazzle76 · 27/05/2017 05:08

My mum died recently and I got cards with a picture of her on and sent one to all her friends to remember her by. But I went through her address book and if people weren't in there they didn't get one so I'm sure there's lots I missed out. However that was choice not need and it took a lot of effort.
Sorry for your loss, make time for yourself and it's ok to still feel awful months later. Grieving takes years. Xx

shortscotty · 27/05/2017 08:19

Hello, I'm sorry for your loss. We lost my father in law last week and are just sending a thank you to the funeral director and those who did the bunfight after. Not doing one for everyone who attended, I don't think they'd expect one

Bubble2bubble · 27/05/2017 09:21

Definitely a thankyou to those who donated would be normal, but never heard of writing to everyone who came to the funeral. ( in Ireland, so that would be a lot!)

TheRealLemonLyman · 27/05/2017 09:26

Loads of people attended our family funerals - there is no way we had the emotional energy to send thank you letters or cards to those who attended. Additionally, if I received a thank you for attending a funeral I would find it very odd.

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