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Ten years today since my mum died and I'm a bit weird today.

(12 Posts)
TheLegendOfBeans Mon 15-May-17 18:13:56

I'm not sure why I'm posting really but here goes.

My mum died 10yrs ago today. As time has trundled on these anniversaries feel less "raw" but today has really bent my head.

Not helped by 15mo DD being a complete grizzle today, I'm 17w pg and my back is in frigging agony.

I feel teary and upset but as mad as this sounds I feel like a fraud for being extra upset today, like I'm putting it on because it's a "10 year special" or something. Is this normal...after a decade?

I never normally post publicly about my mum, not on social media or anything but I feel really mental about it today and I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that markers such as 10 years can suddenly transport you back like it was yesterday.

Cheers x

Chasingsquirrels Mon 15-May-17 18:18:09

TheLegendOfBeans I'm so sorry that you lost your mum and that you are feeling it today.
Please don't feel like a fraud, it's hit you today and unfortunately that's shit. I hope that tomorrow you will be feeling less low.
Can you treat yourself at all once your DD is in bed?
Hugs cake flowers

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 15-May-17 18:19:57

Legend 10 years ago can indeed feel as raw as yesterday. I lost my mum 3 years ago and it still hits hard around the anniversary.

flowers to you.

NoodieRoodie Mon 15-May-17 18:27:38

I wrote something very similar in January, it was 10 years since DH1 died and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I felt like a real fraud being so upset as my life has moved on dramatically, I now have DH2 and 3DCs and am very happy. I do think about him but it's been years since I was upset on the anniversary and to be honest once or twice I haven't even remembered when I've been in the newborn phase.

For me it was a reminder of 'what could have been'. Just be kind to yourself and if you want to sit and cry all night do it xx

blue2014 Mon 15-May-17 18:33:32

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's perfectly ok for you to feel this way

Wolfiefan Mon 15-May-17 18:35:11

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think being pg, being a significant anniversary and having a grizzly one too is a perfect storm.
Be kind to yourself. flowers

TheLegendOfBeans Mon 15-May-17 18:51:15

Thanks chaps.

DH is being brill, he's a good soul, but he's never had experience of such things lucky sausage. I know he's doing his best (he's ordered many pizzas I could kiss him) but I weirdly feel sorry for him when I talk about it as I know he fears the day his mum dies.

He's a good egg. Grizzly DD is now asleep too and I'm going to get stuck into the poncey fizzy pop I've got to replace wine.

I just weirdly don't want to cry. But at the same time I weirdly feel I've got crying impotence...it's there but I can't "get it up". Hm.

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 15-May-17 18:57:13

Just as an aside, I posted a thread asking if I WBU to not want to go out dancing on the anniversary of my mum;'s death, back in March. I got roundly chewed out for being weird and oversentimental - all these posters couldn't understand why I was dwelling on it and declared that they couldn't even remember when their own mums had died.

I am genuinely glad that you are getting kinder and more considerate treatment Legend!

TheLegendOfBeans Mon 15-May-17 21:03:47

Bloody hell Contessa, really?!

Looks like tonight isn't "arse night" thank god x

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 15-May-17 21:28:19

It was near the end of the week Legend - everybody concerned had a 'FUCK YOU' floating very near the surface by that point. I was just unfortunate in my timing I think!

I hope you are ok.

blue2014 Mon 15-May-17 21:45:14

Ah contessa, I'm so sorry people were insensitive arses to you xx

ssd Tue 16-May-17 18:59:33

LaContessa, I'm so sorry people were so mean to you, that's really unbelievable to me they could be that way thanks

Beans...I'm sorry, I get it too....sometimes it all comes back like it was yesterday, nothing needs to bring it back but it comes back in a flash, the time of year and remembering what happened....thanks for you too

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