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My beautiful baby

(19 Posts)
MissFire17 Thu 11-May-17 13:51:55

I went into labour 8 weeks ago tonight. My beautiful little boy was born at 4 o'clock in the morning. He had CDH, and only lived for 20 hours. He was so beautiful, so loved and so desperately wanted.
Everyone else is getting on with life, I've felt so numb for weeks, trying to go through the motions and look like I'm coping. But I'm sitting in an empty house today, crying and feeling broken and empty. Time is just taking me further and further away from my boy. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to do anything, because nothing will bring him back.

FancyFingers Thu 11-May-17 13:55:50

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do you have much support?


TrueWierdness Thu 11-May-17 13:57:01

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I have no words of comfort but I send you my love and prayers 💐

lougle Thu 11-May-17 13:58:47

Oh I'm so sorry, that must be so hard sad.

Ollycat Thu 11-May-17 13:59:00

I'm so so sorry flowers

Bisquick Thu 11-May-17 13:59:14

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers
Some babies are just too perfect for this big bad world.

I know it seems unlikely now, but things will slowly get better. Would you like to share your little one's name? Do you have other DC?

One thought that helped me in a similar situation was to try to find some way to make my LO's life meaningful even if only to just my DH and myself. We named a star after him, made some small but meaningful changes to our lives and dedicated it to his memory, and plan to do some charitable work in his name in the future.

There is also online support here and in the Sands forums for parents who have suffered a loss if you find that sort of thing useful. I know the grief feels all encompassing. And I can imagine you feel lonely, but you're not really alone. There are sadly a lot of people who can relate to how you feel, and you will slowly heal. Just take all the time you need and be kind to yourself.

JCleRoux Thu 11-May-17 14:01:28

I'm so sorry flowers. Take all the time you need to heal.

JustMumNowNotMe Thu 11-May-17 14:01:30

I'm so, so sorry for your loss OP, i can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling.

I hope you have lots of support IRL. Be kind to yourself my lovely, its going to take time flowers

MissFire17 Thu 11-May-17 14:07:46

His name is Henry.
I have a 9 yr old DD. My DH is lovely and I have some very supportive friends IRL. I'm probably doing this to myself, but I just feel like I can't keep leaning on them.

MissFire17 Thu 11-May-17 14:08:56

I can't stop crying. My DH just rang me from work, he's taking the afternoon off to come home to me.

hippogriffwobble Thu 11-May-17 14:11:08

I know your pain is unbearable - I lost my little girl In a similar way. You will always miss him but, as a previous poster said, find ways to honour his memory. Talk about him, what was his name? He was here, he was important, and his life will always matter. A big hug to you. I found this website helpful:


PovertyJetset Thu 11-May-17 14:11:12

Oh love, what a a terrible thing to have to endure.

Little by little, things will get better but it's still so raw. Let yourself cry.

TheRealLemonLyman Thu 11-May-17 14:11:50

Oh OP, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm now sat here crying for your loss. I know things may seem overwhelming at this time but you are not alone and you will find the strength to cope with your heartbreak. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. No words will bring back your beautiful baby but you will forever be his mummy and he will be forever in your heart.

flowers A little flower, lent not given, to bud on earth and bloom in heaven.

MissFire17 Thu 11-May-17 21:07:27

I just wanted to say thank you to you all. Today has been horrible, I've cried myself into exhaustion, but my lowest point was when I posted this afternoon. It really helped that you cared about a strangers grief, and made me feel less alone. 💐

Bisquick, thank you for your message. I'm so sorry for your loss.💐 I also would like to do something in Henry's name for charity in the future.

Hippogriff, I'm very sorry for your loss. 💐 Thank you for the website suggestion, will have a look tomorrow.

hippogriffwobble Fri 12-May-17 06:56:22

There will be bad days MissFire, and it's important to cry and grieve - take your time. Let people hold you up for a while. But somehow you will manage to put one foot in front of the other and find a strength you didn't know was possible, and then there will be beautiful days too.

"The agony is great and yet I will stand it. Had I not loved so much I would not hurt so much. But goodness knows I would not want to diminish that precious love by one fraction of an ounce. I will hurt. And I will be grateful for that hurt for it bears witness to the depth of our meaning. And for that I will be eternally grateful.” Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

TheVeryThing Fri 12-May-17 10:46:07

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little boy.
It's such a dreadful thing to happen.

LadySalmakia Fri 12-May-17 20:48:21

Oh, Henry, what a lovely name. I bet he was gorgeous. I'm sorry you didn't get to spend life with him. Would you like to tell us about him?

Dontwaketheneighbours Sat 17-Jun-17 20:47:51

How are you Missfire? I know you posted a few weeks ago but I've just come across your post. My son Finlay died last year from CDH. It's such a cruel condition. I can't promise it will get better or that you won't think about your beautiful Henry every single day, but one day you will be able to remember him and smile. Are you in touch with the cdh charity? Sending love to you and your family

Pancakeflipper Sun 25-Jun-17 17:51:16

Hi - I am another suggesting you contact CDH UK. They are fantastic.
I am so sorry to hear about Henry. Hugs x

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