Hi everyone
I am a long time lurker here on MN but this is my first real post and I would like some advice please as i dont know where else to turn
I lost my wonderful Nan early this year, she was in her late 60s I was pregnant with my 2nd child who is now a happy healthy baby
I guess i am posting as I am really struggling inside with her loss.
I cannot face it or think about it without feeling like I am about to collapse and shut down inside. I figure its easier, in a way, to ignore it and not deal with it, than face the reality of her not being here and at least be able to try and keep it together for my children.
I have no one really to speak to in RL as the consensus seems to be that everyone should expect to lose their grandparent, and while there is alot of truth in that, I feel the relationship I had was different, she raised me since I was a baby, I lived with her and my grandad til i moved out of home after i finished university.
She was my mum in alot of respects, she always fought in my corner whether i was right or wrong, she gave me a warm and loving home, encouraged me to do my best and without her care and love I can honestly say my life would be very different to what it is. I would have more than likely have been placed in care.
Even after I left home, (I moved to another part of the country) I spoke to her everyday on the phone and visited twice a month, she kept my room the same and it was always a very warm welcome when I came home, even more so after I had my first child.
She adored my DC1 and spoilt her rotten and even though she is just
2.5 she talks about her nan and asks me where she is, I haven't the heart to tell her anything other than she has gone to live on the moon ( i had no idea what to say other than that)
She became quite ill the middle of last year and deteriorated quite rapidly, after her last hospital admission I would travel home nearly every weekend and use all holiday from work to help my grandad care for her, he cared for her up until her passing.
Strangely it never entered my head once that I would lose her, I always maintained hope that she would get better and back to the fierce loving woman she was.
I still make the journey home with my children just not as often and they get to spend time with their grandad who equally adores them, but for me i struggle, her absence is felt in the very bricks of the house.
I apologise for the essay but I guess what I am asking is if there is any advice on how to maybe face or deal with the grief that losing someone so close to you brings
Thank you
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Bereavement
May I tell you about my amazing grandmother
DevilsInTheDetail · 07/05/2017 21:31
I'm dealing with the recent loss of my lovely Mum and my children (who are all teenagers or above) viewed her as another mother. My Dad is struggling on alone and I know what you mean about feeling the absence in the family home. Their house seems to echo and you walk into a memory wherever you go.
These are the things that are helping me -
- Looking after my Dad - he is visiting once a week & I visit him.
- Talking about my Mum to as many people as possible.
- Planning lovely things to do for the children as this is what my Mum wanted. Your Nan would want you to do this too. She would want you to laugh and be happy. She is immortal through your children.
- Pour all your love into your children and pass on the fantastic way your Nan raised you. Keep her memory alive.
- I try to do one nice thing a day for a friend or stranger which Mum would have liked and it really helps lift my spirits.
- A photo of your Nan might help. I have a lovely one of my Mum and she is always smiling.
- Get a happy box set (nothing too taxing) and watch one episode a day.
- Go for one walk a day if you can find the time.
I hope one of these ideas helps you.
Couldn't really read and run. I guess I have no real advise on how to carry on because everyone's different. Your nan sounds wonderful though and you must feel so fortunate to have someone in your corner and help raise you. No-one can take that relationship away from you!
I lost my grandad 2 years ago next month. It was pretty touch watching him go from bad to worse cuz he was such a character. It was terminal; I expected it and in a way wanted him to go so he wouldn't have to suffer, but when the time came, everything I built up meant nothing. I felt a lot like you, I still do sometimes, but honestly you do eventually move on bit by bit. It sounds weird and a bit unattainable atm but it will slowly get better.
If you do need a chat or rant myself (I'm sure others too) will only be a message away. It's not the same as people in RL but the offer is there all the same
I am so sorry you had such a shock in losing her, people who are so loving seem indestructible because their love is so strong. It shows how much you meant to one another - you will have brought her so much joy over the years, just as your children are doing for you now.
A great way you can keep going is carrying on her legacy of kindness She sounds like such a sweet and caring person - SO many of her values and so much of her character will be a part of you already, so loved ones never really leave us in that respect.
Ps as a child I was told my granny had gone to live in the moon! And now every time the moon is out, I think of her. It s a nice way of remembering her
Your grandmother sounds lovely Devils 
. I'm sorry that you've lost her.
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