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Mum is terminally ill

(13 Posts)
Jenny2710 Wed 26-Apr-17 23:54:40

Currently she is in hospital , having investigations, but not for a cure. I live an hour and a half away. She has an aged partner who is loosing it.theyhave aged friends who can help but at a loss how to intervene at this stage.

A sibling closer and one other lives further away. How do we deal with this?

Take time out from work? We all have commitments

I still have not come to grips with it all tbh, and can't look that far.

Do I say to work I can't be in .

pansydePotter Thu 27-Apr-17 08:26:41

I think I would hold off taking leave until you know what practical and emotional help is needed. I would speak to HR and let them know your situation . Ask about their policy and whether you can take time off at short notice. Terminal illness is not an exact science even after diagnosis, so you don't know how long she will be with you or whether she will be able to come home.

So sorry you are going through this.

alazuli Mon 01-May-17 01:19:50

OP I think you should take time off work now. One of the worst stages of grief for me was the guilt. It hits everyone. You don't want to be wishing you had taken more time off work when you could have to spend time with your mum.

I took loads of time off work to be with my mum as she was dying as I didn't want to have any regrets and I still feel like I should've taken more. So sorry you're going through this xx

Atenco Mon 01-May-17 03:24:23

Well, no real advice, but when my mum was discovered to be dying, I'd only been working for a couple of months and had to drop everything. I was given my job back after it was all over.

tetherended Mon 01-May-17 03:31:45

Take the time off. I didn't and now it's too late. The guilt and regret is awful.

Madmotherintheattic Mon 01-May-17 04:40:08

Dropped everything and went to her. Now, year later, still wish I had spent all the time I could with her. Never thought she could die at 75, thought we had loads of time left.

Go and spend as much time as you can. You will always have work. Never have another mum.


picklemepopcorn Mon 01-May-17 07:25:20

I spend about a week a month with my terminally ill DF. I can make up my part time work hours the rest of the month. We don't know how long he has. My mum will need support when he is very ill, and then when we lose him, so I am pacing myself. At the moment his quality of life is good, we go on trips and outings when I am there and I sort out practical things for them.

Tell HR. You'll need to be able to drop everything and get there for crises, and have longer at the end to help and to grieve.


picklemepopcorn Mon 01-May-17 10:50:16

Also, you may need to be there for some of the diagnosis stuff. Getting things third hand, or only knowing half the story can be dificult. I was lucky, all the HCPs have spoken to me by phone when I needed clarification. It's tough being away when you are needed.

Jenny2710 Sat 20-May-17 21:02:31

Mum died a couple of weeks ago I have been so busy have not grieved. When I have time it will sink in, a bit scary. The funeral was good although she was old she was active so so many people came.

alazuli Sat 20-May-17 22:12:42

OP i'm so sorry for your loss. i hope you were able to spend some time with her before she passed away. it sounds like your mum was very popular.

it's been over a year for me and i still don't feel like i've grieved properly.


Atenco Sat 20-May-17 23:09:28

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

Jenny2710 Sun 28-May-17 23:59:02

There were over a hundred at the funeral I think,many friends. Just starting to grieve, having flashbacks of the last hours and recent months,so sad. Can't really take it in, as I didn't live close by and mostly communicated via phone I still keep thinking I can ring her then remember,

echt Mon 29-May-17 09:36:30

So many flowers for you, Jenny. Glad that you gained comfort from her many friends coming to reminder and honour her.

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