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WAY - Widowed And Young - opinions please

(9 Posts)
Chasingsquirrels Tue 18-Apr-17 12:51:50

Hi all,

I just wanted to gather some opinions about joining WAY from those that have done so.

I'm 44, my DH died of cancer nearly 4 weeks ago, 10 months after being diagnosed.
I've got 2 boys, 14 & 11, at home with me most of the time - DH was their step-dad and they see their dad regularly.
I'm not an outgoing social person, I have a small circle of friends who I enjoy spending time with in each others homes, non-strenous walks, low key outings.
I don't drink and don't overly enjoy gatherings in pubs, do not want to go to clubs or dancing.
I don't really have any hobbies, and I am a home-bird.
When exH and I split up lots of people suggested things I could do - but nothing really appeals.
At home I read (although haven't so much recently), enjoy some TV but not just anything for the sake of it, potter in the garden - although I wouldn't say it's a passion I do enjoy the pottering, when the weather is nice!
Really I just enjoy being with my family and just being with DH was enough - we'd chat, browse online, watch TV, play cards or games with the boys, go for walks with them, cycle a (very little) bit.

I woke part time, although I'm on a leave of absence at the moment. I think I'll go back at some point over the next month or so.

It's very very early days, and I don't need to expand my life yet, but I do have a massive DH-hole in my life, that I will need to start to fill.

Would you recommend WAY to me?

MrsTrentReznor Tue 18-Apr-17 13:29:12

I lost my DP 10 years ago. I didn't have any WAY things anywhere near me unfortunately.

I found the forum on this website very very helpful:

Through it I found a private chat group and went to a few meetups, lunches, barbeques etc.
I eventually stopped going as I realised I was moving on and quite a lot of the others were not. (Some had been members for 10 years and had no other social life)

Since then I've found great friends on a social group on I've even become friends with an older widowed lady through it!
I found it was more important in the end to keep myself occupied with things outside of specific widowhood groups, but the forums on the merry widow site were invaluable.
I popped back recently at my 10 year anniversary to try and let people know that they really will get through the darkest days.
4 weeks is very early on. My best advice would be (excuse my language) fuck everyone else. Do things at your pace.
I am sending you a very unmumsnetty hug.

Chasingsquirrels Tue 18-Apr-17 13:32:40

Thank you MrsTrent.
I can see that about your social life forming around a specific life event - and I don't want that, but as you say it is very early days and at this specific moment my life is obviously consumed with DH having died.

I'll have a look at your merry widow link as well, thanks.

lucyandpoppy123 Thu 20-Apr-17 12:38:28

Sorry about your DH, my mum lost my dad (early 50's) recently and I have recommended to her that she join WAYup which is WAY for over 50's. I think the best thing may be to just go along to a social, and if you don't like it you don't have to go back! But I'd say worth a go xx I also remember hearing about another group for younger widows

lucyandpoppy123 Thu 20-Apr-17 12:40:26

From your hobbies you sound very very much like my mum - her main 'hobby' was spending time with my dad and I think that it the way it is for so many people especially as it is harder to join groups/make friends as an adult

Neolara Wed 26-Apr-17 21:45:13

I'm very sorry for the loss of your dh.

My friend became involved with WAY after losing her dh. I know she found it a huge source of support. I think initially she felt relieved to be amongst people who genuinely understood what she had been through. Later on, I think she felt useful as she was be able to support others who were going through such a terrible time.

Topgirl1 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:33:18

I was widowed suddenly 15 months ago. I was 41 with a 5 year old. I joined WAY within the first week after a google search.
The group is amazing, offering practical answers to questions I have had as well as peer to peer emotional support at any time of the night or day. No one gets it like others in your situation.
A lot of people only use the on line support network. Others choose to meet fellow widows / widowers. I have met an amazing group of woman who I speak to via what's app everyday. They are my cheer leaders and we are there for each other as we each go through the days months and years ahead.
Way have been my lifeline - I cannot recommend them enough.

Topgirl1 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:35:35

I'm so so sorry for your loss chasingsquirrels and that youve had to join this shitty club. Please pm me if you would like to xx

Chasingsquirrels Fri 28-Apr-17 08:48:52

Thanks for the posts.
Hot young widows club doesn't seem like me!
I'll look at WAY again, I'm not sure what I'd want or need or even expect from it. I don't know what I want or need at the moment really.

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