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I've lost my dad

(8 Posts)
GeraltsSilverSword Sat 15-Apr-17 11:53:41

On 13 April at 9.15am, my darling Dad passed away. He had struggled with COPD for many years and last year was diagnosed with a possible lung cancer but he wasn't strong enough for a biopsy to confirm. It was close to his birthday when he received the news and when we saw his sisters on his birthday he said he didnt think he would see another birthday. He died 19 days before he would have turned 73.

Dad said he wanted to die. He wanted the invasive breathing mask off. He said he wanted to go. And once he expressed this wish to die, I talked with him, and asked him if he was sure and that it would mean saying goodbye if he decided to refuse treatment. He nodded. He was sure and he had had enough.

So from that point on, the focus became keeping Dad as comfortable as possible. The palliative dr came and we discussed what should be done with dad's masses of meds, and she was really excellent and just focused on eliminating anything that would just prolong dad's suffering while making sure he had everything he could have to keep him comfortable. I asked him if he would like to hear some of his favourite songs, he nodded and so I used my phone to play some that I knew he liked, making sure he could hear. I held his hand, rubbed his feet and legs if he wanted me to, stroked his head and used a warm cloth to wash his face and neck and to wipe his eyes, and gave little sips of water, coffee and tea (which he was able to ask for) and later lemon swaps and lip balm to help with dry mouth and lips. Eventually we were able to move from the HDU to a quiet and private single room.

We were at his bedside near constantly for the four days and nights he was in hospital and told Dad about all the ways in which we love him, are proud of him, would always remember him and that though we were going to miss him very much indeed, we understood why he didn't want to be here any more and that we would make sure everything was taken care of and that he could let go and we, though heartbroken, would never forget him. The Commitments soundtrack, his favourite, was playing for him as he slipped away. It was as quiet and gentle as we could ever have hoped for and we were with him right until the end.

Fauchelevent Sat 15-Apr-17 12:13:19

Oh OP flowers beautiful words. He sounds like an excellent man.

RubyRedRuby Sat 15-Apr-17 12:16:55

You and your family sound lovely OP.
I am sorry for your loss flowers

GeraltsSilverSword Sat 15-Apr-17 14:46:51

Thank you both. The time was 9.15pm, not am, but not sure if I can edit.

Just wanted to get it all down somewhere really.

Poudrenez Thu 20-Apr-17 14:55:19

OP that's lovely. That's as good a death as anyone could hope for. When my brother was dying we instinctively rubbed his feet, and I've heard of other people doing the same. I wonder why we do that?


Poudrenez Thu 20-Apr-17 14:55:46

Sorry for the flowers fail!

bluediamonds Sat 22-Apr-17 02:22:01

Sorry for your loss. I know how it feels. Bless him. flowers x

user1490395938 Fri 05-May-17 23:04:02

Really sorry to hear about your dad xxx

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