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Lost my mum then found out I was pregnant

(7 Posts)
AmyZak Thu 06-Apr-17 21:08:42

Last year I sadly lost my mum to cancer, she was only given 3 months to live but only lasted 2 weeks. A week after she had passed away, I found out I was pregnant. My emotions were all over the place, I was happy, sad and in denial. All I wanted was to tell my mum, I was so close to my mum I could talk to her about anything. Throughout my whole pregnancy I found it really difficult not having my mum at the first scan, finding out the gender, hearing the babies heartbeat, and also not being there when I was giving birth. After I had given birth to my beautiful baby girl I was very low and ended up with post natal depression, I felt like I had no one to talk to about the way I was feeling, I had so many things running through my head, my labour didn't go the way I had planned, I didn't have my mum there, Christmas time was meant to be family time, shocked at becoming a first time parent. I couldn't cope. Luckily my partner was brilliant and got me the help I needed. But still to this day I feel like I can't speak to anyone, because no one can relate to what's happened to me. Just wondering if there is anyone out there who has had a similar situation and is just wanting to let it all out ?

NavyandWhite Sat 08-Apr-17 12:47:48

I'm so sorry. So many emotions to deal with. Have you had counselling? flowers

AmyZak Sat 08-Apr-17 13:12:03

I did but I don't feel like it's helped. I think I need to go now that I've had my lg and I need my mum now more than ever 😕

DesertSky Sat 08-Apr-17 13:26:56

Bless you. I can't imagine what it must feel like to loose your mum. Mine was a single parent and she's always the one I go to with problems or just to offload etc. I do think you need to talk to somebody about your feelings etc and get some support. Please see your GP - they should be able to refer you for some counselling or bereavement support groups.

I'm glad your partner has been strong for you. That's so important. And your little baby girl - I'm sure she was sent as a blessing from your mum. Enjoy her and don't feel guilty for doing so. Your mum would be so proud of you and I'm sure she's watching over you and her little grand-daughter.

I really hope you start to feel some peace in your heart. The pain and sense of loss must still be so raw. Don't feel you have to forget about your mum to get over your pain - it's good to talk about her, have photos around etc. Has she got a gravestone or somewhere you can go to sit quietly and think about her or talk to her? Maybe you can take your daughter to places growing up that you would visit with your mum and was meaningful to her. That way it might feel like she's still a part of your life even though she's not here.

Also, look after yourself. Make time each day or at least each week to pamper yourself, read a book, do your nails, potter around some shops, go for tea/cake etc - just little indulgent things that help to make you feel good. It's so important to look after your own wellbeing as a mum as often you get put to the bottom of the list!

I wish you all the best xxxx

snarferson Sat 08-Apr-17 13:37:12

Similar but different. I found out I was pregnant but my DM died when DD was 6 months old. My DF also has died. I still struggle every day. I have no idea how to parent and I feel lost. I miss my mum every day and feel empty and alone. I always imagined her being here and being a nanny to DD. Sending you flowers OP. It is so so hard.

NavyandWhite Sat 08-Apr-17 13:41:39

Sometimes counselling is more beneficial a while after a loss. I had it a year after I lost my son and it really helped.

yecartmannew Sat 08-Apr-17 14:14:05

My MIL died 3 months before both SIL and I found out we were pregnant.
There are only 20 days between our kids
Niether of us was TTC
While itwas really hard, even more so for SIL who had lost her mum, we like to think MIL sent us the babies to take our minds off the pain of loosing her
It made it more bearable to think like that

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