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My cousin is dying...

(6 Posts)
SansaryaAgain Thu 30-Mar-17 16:26:20

She's only 49. Fucking cancer. The doctors have given her 2-3 weeks at most. Her youngest daughter is only 10 and is sobbing herself to sleep every night. I wish I could make things better for her but I don't know what to do apart from just be there for her. During the day she's ok as she's distracted by school or playing with my 3yo DS who she adores. And my poor cousin, to know she has to leave her children must be devastating. I keep thinking about how I'd feel if the same happened to me and I had to leave DS.

I'm not sure what the point of posting this is really, guess I'm looking for ideas on how to best support her daughters.

madeleinecreek Thu 30-Mar-17 18:07:16

Are the Macmillan nurses involved? Or other hospice care organisation? She should have been given a named nurse, who would be happy to talk things over with you. Obviously there is nothing you can "do" to make it better (as it's shit) but after your cousin is gone, I would make sure to always talk about her mother /her mother's death (if she wants to) and also been on the lookout for her feeling pressured to grow up too quickly. Hopefully your son will help her feel able to be a child!

SansaryaAgain Fri 31-Mar-17 14:03:08

We aren't in the UK (I'm on holiday here) so there are no Macmillan nurses. The hospital she's in is excellent though, but there isn't a hospice. And she's in so much pain that she can't go home as the painkillers need to be administered by medical staff.

It's so so cruel. My mum is very close to my cousin and is taking it very badly. She's overly emotional at the best of times and this is the worst I've seen her - she says she doesn't want to live etc. I'm not sure how to help, she needs grief counselling but I doubt she'd ever go.

bimbobaggins Sat 01-Apr-17 16:19:07

My ds has recently lost his father and I would say the best way to support her daughters are to keep in touch with them regularly, phone,text ,visit just let them know you are there for them. So many people say they will be there but in reality, after the funeral no one really bothers with you. All it would take would be a message knowing someone was thinking of you

Chasingsquirrels Sat 01-Apr-17 16:25:45

My DH has just died and my children (his step-children) are 11 and 14.
They are ranging from very upset, to being worried about me, to getting on with life, to missing him - and everything else in between, and often a combination at the same time.

DH was diagnosed nearly a year ago, and had a tough year, so it has come gradually for my kids, and I have talked to them about things all the way through and continue to do so.

I had a MacMillian "how to talk to children and young adults about cancer" (or similar) booklet - you could probably find it online.

Is the children's dad still in the picture? How is he coping and is he managing to support the children?

Neolara Sat 01-Apr-17 16:35:51

There is a charity called Winston's Wish that help support bereaved children. It maybe worth getting in touch with them..

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