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What Can Help?

(3 Posts)
user1490732301 Tue 28-Mar-17 21:21:38

Hi All,
Since I lost my mom, 7 months ago, I’ve been searching for a haven where I can share my thoughts and emotions, without being judged.
She is buried nearly a 6+ hours from me, so I’m not able to visit her as much as I wish I could.
No one seems to understand why I’ve still been upset.
I lost my best friend, mother, guider, therapist, all at once.
The one person I went to for everything, is gone.

I recently found this website called Mourners Lane. It allowed me to create a virtual memorial just for her. I could create her a headstone, write her messages, and even add her favorite music.
When times get hard, which they do, I know have my mother with me anywhere I go.
I’m able to visit her grave, morning, noon or night.
I know I have a long way to go before I feel even remotely close to whole again, but I have a safe-haven for my thoughts and emotions.
I thought, if it has helped me this much, it could help some of you, too.
If you need help finding an uplifting place to honor and enjoy the memories of your loved ones, or need a place that allows your loved one to be with you, try out
Please suggest anything else that may help.
Thank you xx

bigbluebus Wed 29-Mar-17 12:00:49

Thanks for sharing that user. I will have a proper look at that later. I also lost my DM 12 months ago but I am able to visit her grave on special occassions as she is buried 1 1/2 hours away in a seaside town which we like to visit.

I also lost my DD in December and watched the Rio Ferdinand programme on BBC last night. Although our situations are different (he lost his wife and mother of his 3 children) I realised that I am doing what he has been doing - keeping very busy to avoid the gaps in the day which lead to you having to think about the loss. DH and I did think we might start a memory jar (like Rio did) as our DS has hardly mentioned his sister since she died and I think it is good to remember and reflect on the happy memories, in a similar was to what you are doing on mourners lane.

Wheelycote Wed 29-Mar-17 13:52:04

This may not be useful but I watched the Rio Ferdinand program this week which they started to use a memory jar......any little memory however insignificant write it down and pop it in, even better if you can do this with others who cares for your mum. And also on a radio program this week too, one person rang in and said that his wife (who I think he said was from Greece) supported him through death of a parent by getting him to light a candle each day. During this time he could write memories, think about the person, talk, shout, cry, sit but then the rest of the day was for getting on with, life. He did it each day for how long he needed and found over time he needed to do it less and less. But it meant that through the day when that feeling creeped in he knew there would be a time he could express his feelings later when in a safe, living environment. He said the structure of it helped and allowed him to carry on with his life.

My dad passed away just over 3 years now and it devastated me - he was both mum and Dad. I wish I'd known to try the memory jar and the candle thing as I think it would have been helpful.

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