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Should I reach out to neighbour?

(15 Posts)
Middleagedmumoftwo Tue 21-Mar-17 11:28:25

We have lived next door to this couple for twelve years, they always seemed very insular, no kids, not many visitors and didn't go out apart from to work. Would see them outside to say hello but not much contact otherwise. 2.5 years ago she died of cancer aged about 58. He took early retirement soon after. Anyway I've recently noticed he's never leaving the house, used to see him sweeping the drive/cleaning the car etc but now he's become reclusive almost. I feel like I want to check on him but my husband says I should mind my own business. Having never really been bereaved I'm not sure if he would welcome it? I've been toying with knocking the door or popping a note through asking if he's ok/needs a chat/cuppa? Any thoughts?

endofthelinefinally Tue 21-Mar-17 11:30:46

I would.
He can only say no.
Poor man.

SaltySalt Tue 21-Mar-17 11:34:50

Yes I would too. Maybe a note with your number on. See if he needs any shopping? Does he still go to work?

SaltySalt Tue 21-Mar-17 11:35:16

Sorry just saw he took retirement.

xStefx Tue 21-Mar-17 11:36:53

Yes I would too. You've done no harm if he says no.
Bless him.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 21-Mar-17 11:37:19

I would wait until you next see him & attempt to initiate a friendly, low key, chat.

He may be perfectly happy as he is - his hobbies may have changed from outdoor things to watching boxsets or something internet based etc., which is why you are seeing him less. Or he may be struggling & really welcome some friendly interaction.

In either case, it's perfectly fine and valid to have a friendly chat with a neighbour at any time smile.

Good luck.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 21-Mar-17 11:48:36

It seems very neighbourly to do so.
If he chooses not to answer, fair enough.
Some prefer to be solitary.
Round here I would ask the postie if they ever see him.
This time of year being out in the garden is a very natural thing to do, perhaps catch him in conversation then.

Middleagedmumoftwo Tue 21-Mar-17 12:51:25

Yes I think i will keep an eye out and find the need to nip out to the bin. I saw him last a few weeks back and did ask him if he was ok then and he said yes but didn't seem to want to chat. I've just been so used to seeing him sprucing his garden up and meticulously cleaning his car that it seems odd for him to have lost interest. There's a lot of clubs and support locally for widowed and divorced people so there are places he could be going to connect with people.

Imbroglio Sat 25-Mar-17 22:19:53

If you are not in the habit of popping by you might try to think of a 'reason' to do so. Eg to ask about a local planning application, or ask for a hand with something, or ask his opinion about something to do with the gardend. Or just pop by with 'spare' cake.

It's worth a try but it might take more than one visit if he's not used to visitors.

Trustyourself2 Wed 29-Mar-17 22:58:33

I went through a really tough time last year and a distant neighbour, who I hardly know, came by to see how I was. Even though I didn't over share, I was so touched that she'd gone out of her way to check on me & we had a good chit chat. She still pops by every now & then & I'm always happy to see her.

LovingLola Wed 29-Mar-17 22:59:58

Definitely. The worst that can happen is that he will not be pleased. He may be delighted.

Molly333 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:04:46

I defiantly would drop a note with a cake maybe . I'm 47 and when divorced was hideously lo sky for a long time a place I never ever want to be in again . I also was too embarrassed to tell anyone I was lonely so pretended I wasn't. He will prob tell you he is fine but ever so often please touch base with a cake , note st as he may not show you he needs contact but inside he will x

Molly333 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:06:24

Lonely I mean not lo sky

SlB09 Fri 07-Apr-17 20:14:32

I vote for being honest with him, drumming up chit chat obviously isnt his thing. Id definately make the effort and I would hope Id have neighbours like you if I was in that situation! But I would say alonalo'Ig the lines of 'I hope you dont mind but Id noticed you wern't out as much and was just concerned that you wernt feeling so good?' Make it open 'are you ok' just leads to 'yes' answers when really were not - we all do it!!

anotherdayanothersquabble Fri 07-Apr-17 20:34:35

I like the sound of being honest. Sometimes it's hard to accept a friendly gesture when you are struggling.... good luck!

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