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My mum - brain haemorrhage

(6 Posts)
NotTodayDear Mon 13-Mar-17 22:50:18

My mum had a major brain haemorrhage just before Christmas and although she's technically out of the coma now there's nothing working mentally or physically. She can open her eyes and move one arm, that's it. And she's not there. She's gone although her body is still here. She has no brain function. We've been talking to the consultant about withdrawing the treatment that's keeping her alive but I don't know when this will happen. It's very hard as to me she's already gone, but people still keep saying stupid stuff about her getting better and giving it time, but she's not going to get better. Her brain is too badly damaged. I feel like I am bereaved and that the bit of her that was my mum has died, but we're in this horrible limbo because her body is being kept alive and people just don't understand.

It's very difficult too as I have very mixed feelings about this. She was really not a nice woman, she was abusive I guess and she made our lives very hard. In a lot of ways, life is better and easier now.

I don't know what to say, really, or if it's okay to post this here.

PurpleWithRed Mon 13-Mar-17 22:52:30

I'm so sorry, what a difficult and sad situation for you flowers

CurlieSue Mon 13-Mar-17 22:57:00

Hi I'm so sorry you are going through this. My mum also had a brain heamorrage so I understand want you are going through. Luckily she made a full recovery although sadly she died years later due to cancer, not related at all to the brain heamorrage. I can't advise you on what to do but I would like to suggest counselling. You could contact cruise which is bereavement counselling. Although you are not bereaved, this may help you. Alternatively the Samaritans are great. You have so much to deal with right now I feel you need some professional support x x x

Poudrenez Tue 14-Mar-17 10:19:26

Of course it's OK to post here! Bereavement isn't just about death, it's in the process of dying too. And you're not alone in your mixed feelings - my Dad is dying and I want the process to end, which obviously means that I want him to die. I never thought I'd say that. And my Dad was never abusive (possibly emotionally distant, but that's for another thread...) so your situation is even more complex.


NotTodayDear Tue 14-Mar-17 17:49:38

Thank you so much for your replies.

I had thought of some counselling about this but I'd hesitated to contact Cruse in case they told me to go away seeing as I wasn't bereaved. I think it'll do me some good to talk through my feelings a bit with them.

Poudre I'm very sorry to hear about your dad.

Poudrenez Thu 16-Mar-17 13:59:36

Thank you NotTodayDear

I have a little experience of Cruse, from the volunteering end. They will welcome your call, and they are very familiar with anticipatory grief (when someone is dying) as well as complicated grief. It's all awful and you deserve support if you want it.

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