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Mothers day

(29 Posts)
Lonelyinacrowd Fri 10-Mar-17 12:20:27

My mum died two weeks ago and I've just walked around the supermarket in tears surrounded by all the Mothers Day stuff. It just reminds me that I don't have a mum anymore, I feel so alone. We knew for a year that she was going to die, and the end was peaceful, so why does it feel like the world has ended??
People have told me that they are sure she's watching over us and she'll always be with me, but I can't feel her, she's gone.
I don't know why I even joined to post this, it was either that or cry on the poor checkout lady in Tesco!!

moreslackthanslick Fri 10-Mar-17 14:37:54

I hear you, it's shit.

Sorry for your loss of your dear mum.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Fri 10-Mar-17 14:40:41

Sorry for your loss. Try and take comfort in the loving relationship it sounds like you had with her. . You will always have her love around you still.

Lonelyinacrowd Fri 10-Mar-17 15:47:14

Thanks. Yes, it's shit
I wish I could believe that her love will always be around me, I just can't feel it at the moment. I keep seeing her in her last day and smelling the faecal vomit which she didn't even have the strength to wipe off her chin. What a shitty disease cancer is.
I feel guilty for taking it so badly when others have been through unimaginable losses. It's natural, your parents are supposed to die first. It just feels a bit raw when I'm surrounded by cards and gifts which I no longer have any right to buy.

bigbluebus Sat 11-Mar-17 19:11:16

It is so hard to take part in everyday life after losing someone, when the rest of the world keeps turning as if nothing has happened. My DD died in hospital shortly before Christmas. As we left the hospital, there was a charity stall in the corridor and they had Christmas songs playing - "I wish it could be Christmas every day" if I remember correctly. I just wanted to shout and scream at them to STFU with the music as I had just lost my daughter - but the rational side of me realised that most people hadn't just lost someone or had bad news so were probably happy to hear the music. Entering any shop before Christmas had be forcing a smile at anyone who even mentioned Christmas.

3 months on and I am still struggling when out shopping and walking past the clothes I would have browsed to buy for DD and passing Mother's Day displays really brings it home that this year DD will not be getting me a card and present - or indeed a birthday gift ( which is also this month). It is 12 months tomorrow since I also lost my Mum so no Mother's Day card/gift to be bought either - I just want those displays to go away.

The biggest realisation for me in the last few months has been that you never know what is going on in peoples' lives and you should be careful in what you say to people. People don't always put their brains in gear before they speak - especially those in sales/retail. I actually had people whom I had told about DD's death wishing me a Happy Christmas or asking me if I had a good Christmas! Yeah, cos burying your daughter 4 days before Christmas makes for a jolly time - not!

AHobbyaweek Sat 11-Mar-17 20:13:56

I feel the same as you Lonley. I am still waiting for the day when I won't suddenly start crying because of something odd. 5 months my mum has been gone and it feels like another holiday that smacks you in the face.

Lonelyinacrowd Sat 11-Mar-17 20:56:30

Bigblue, I'm so so sorry for your loss. It's also my birthday this month, what date is yours? It is still very early days for you, I hope this month passes as well as it can for you, I sincerely mean that.

Hobby, I can't quite get my head around the fact that my mum just isn't here anymore. I was offered a new job yesterday (actually two - go me!!) and I was crushed to realise that I can't ever tell my mum.

bigbluebus Sun 12-Mar-17 13:19:19

Thanks Lonely. My birthday is on 20th. When's yours?
Congratulations on the new job(s). I know what you mean about that feeling of not being able to tell your Mum your news. Although i'm quite relieved that I didn't have to tell my Mum about DD's death even if it would have been comforting to have her around at the time.

loobylou10 Sun 12-Mar-17 13:22:31

So sorry to hear this. I know how you feel. My mum died 3 weeks ago - cancer again and expected but still very hard and very sad. Mother's Day approaching seems cruel doesn't it (a big birthday for me next Friday too so got to be in he party spirit!). I don't have any words other than I feel your pain x

beelover Sun 12-Mar-17 13:55:34

7 months since I lost my DM, thought I was getting on with things ok but it is her birthday this week and that and Mother's day have made me feel so sad again. Getting through all "the first's" is so hard isn't it. flowers for everyone who is grieving.

moreslackthanslick Sun 12-Mar-17 17:01:22

I'm so sorry for the loss of your DM and DD big blue bus. 💐

People do need to be careful what they say, I work in retail myself and know when to zip it.

I served a lady today who was certainly old enough to be my mother and all she told me she was in town as she had been to see her mother but "she had been getting on her nerves".

I know people are perfectly entitled to say things like that but it's so unfair.

moreslackthanslick Sun 12-Mar-17 17:03:44

Oh and yes, March brings my mum and dad's birthdays as well as Mother's Day 😡

malibuandlemonade Sun 12-Mar-17 17:47:39

I understand how it feels but with Father's Day. My dad died when I was 10 but seeing Father's Day roll around year after year doesn't get easier. (Even nearly 10 years on!) It doesn't get easier but you get stronger flowers

Callmesausage Wed 15-Mar-17 03:32:04

It's the first Mother's Day for me without my lovely mum. She died in January. I miss her so so much. Her birthday was last month too, then the anniversary of my dad dying two
years ago. All the firsts seem to be happening at once and I just feel lost to be honest. I just want Mother's Day over.

itsnotterrysitsmine Wed 15-Mar-17 17:10:49

I lost my mum unexpectedly at the end of January. We'd found out only the week before that I'm pregnant. I never got chance to tell her. Since we lost her I've lost count of the number of times I've wanted to pick up the phone to tell her something & am again crushed by the realisation I can't. I don't think it's really sunk in she's gone, I don't know if it ever will. I do know there are going to be lots of times, Mother's Day included, that I'm going to be putting on a brace face but will be wishing I could just hide away until it's over

Callmesausage Wed 15-Mar-17 20:24:49

I'm so sorry that you couldn't get to tell your mum itsnot, that really sucks. I had a terrible day today and feel like I'll never get over it.

moonbells Tue 21-Mar-17 13:03:46

I'm with you all. I keep seeing all this stuff in the shops and nearly lost the plot after DH said he'd got a M's D card for his. It's been almost 4 weeks now since Mum died (I think it must have been within a day or two of your's, Lonely) and I'm feeling so hollow and lost.

And I don't think the grief has really hit yet, either. I actually don't want DS to do me a card, but I can't tell him that as he'll be terribly upset. I am wondering whether to buy one last card to bury with Mum's ashes.

Lonelyinacrowd Tue 21-Mar-17 18:46:50

Moonbells, I know what you mean about feeling hollow and lost, I feel like I'm alone in the world. Mum died on 20th Feb, so 4 weeks yesterday. It doesn't help that it's my birthday today, and she isn't here. I can't quite get my head anywhere near accepting that she won't ever sing happy birthday to me again. I've spent much of today trying to imagine her voice.
Sausage, I'm so sorry it is so tough for you at the moment with lots of firsts coming in a short period of time. flowers
I'm so sorry for everyone's loss, does it make me a bad person that it's reassuring that other people are finding it as tough? I kind of feel like everyone thinks I should be over it by now.

pinklemonade84 Wed 22-Mar-17 23:15:42

flowers I'm so sorry for all of your losses

We lost mum on the 9th of January unexpectedly.

All of the firsts seem to be rolling around together too. The first mother's day without her (which will be my first as a mum), then what would have been her birthday and then dd's birthday. All within the space of a fortnight

I don't think I've let myself grieve properly yet. I'm still in the process of sorting paperwork to ensure that her carers get the redundancy they're entitled to. Maybe once that is finally done it will hit home sad

Chattycat78 Fri 24-Mar-17 20:09:12

Mother's Day is shit. I lost my mother in 2009. I remember that the first few years after, I could barely go past a card shop around Mother's Day without bursting into tears. Now, I can handle that just about, but the day itself still smacks me in the face as a reminder that I don't have a mother anymore. Hugs to all.

user1471444904 Sat 25-Mar-17 22:32:50

My mum died last Sunday, I can't cry, I can't feel anything other than guilt. Spending all my time "organising " everyone and everything. Cancer is a c*

Lonelyinacrowd Sun 26-Mar-17 07:51:16

I'm so so sorry User. flowers flowers

It's unbelievable isn't it, how much organising needs doing. There's no such thing as a 'normal' or 'right' way to feel. Whatever you're feeling is what you need to go through. Please be kind to yourself.

I'm with you. I was, and I still am, so fucking angry with that bastard cancer.

CPtart Sun 26-Mar-17 08:08:41

My DM was killed in a car accident aged 69 in September. Today will be hard.
flowers

LizTaylorsFabulousTurban Sun 26-Mar-17 11:28:31

When my Dad died for weeks, months even, I couldn't get past the last few days of his life, the sounds and sights and smells of those days were awful and hard to deal with. Then I remember it suddenly hit me one day that that didn't bother me any more and I started to think of his life rather than his death. It's still such early days for you and still so raw. I'm so sorry you are going through this but it will pass eventually, it doesn't feel like it at all at the moment, but it will.

lemonzest123 Sun 26-Mar-17 11:43:15

Thinking of you all. Lost DM in October, still feels like yesterday x

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