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My 10 weeks BABY Lara is DEAD!!! Help me understand "WHY!"

(29 Posts)

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sarahallakrodriguez Fri 03-Mar-17 02:14:43

Hello,This is Sara. My baby Lara passed away on January, 27th, 2017.
I had a difficult pregnancy starting with Braxton hicks. When I went to the hospital,they said "normal". I went again because the baby was not moving. They said "Baby is ok".
I had gestational diabetes and was on diet control. Then I had high blood pressure. Inspite of taking my tables, it kept going up. I was sent to the triage many times and all they did is monitoring the baby's heart beat and saying "It was ok" then discharging me.
My midwife said that I had to give birth because I had" PRE ECLAMPSIA" .I went and they were about to discharge me. I told them my head is about to explode so they decided to keep me in the hospital. My blood pressure kept going up finally they decided to give me the 1st induction. That was November the 3rd, 2016 at 00:30. The doctor said that I might end up having brain bleeding. I asked him that I don't mind a C section.They kept monitoring the baby heart beats. Time passed and I was only 1CM open. After about 16 hours, the doctor examined me and I felt him touching the baby's head. I saw blood so I called the nurse. They said that I need another induction and asked me if I want the epidural. I agreed as I started to feel exhausted. The nurse started jumping from one screen to another. She assured that everything was under control. I asked another doctor why don't you do a C section as I did not want to take any risk. He did not reply. They started rolling me from one side to another on the bed. They said that the code is around the baby's neck.
Suddenly, a group of doctors and nurses rushed into the room. They were everywhere. I asked the nurse" How is the baby?". She said, " Her heart beats dipped. They were about 60 hb but don't worry.. things are under control!" I asked again," Why don't you go for the C section?".
I heard someone saying outside " She is a regular!" Another voice yelled," She is not!"
At last they took me to the C section. They baby did not cry and I thought that she was dead. Then they brought her over, I looked at her but I was too weak to hold her as I bled heavily. They stitched me and took Lara to the special care. They brought her to my room after 48 hours. They said that she is "OK" But she has a lack of Sodium.
After about a week, I was discharged and I asked every single nurse. "IS THE BABY OK?" They all said" YES". She was "2.150"grams.
My baby Lara never cried loudly. She had a loud breathing. She was tiny and slow in feeding. She was always asleep. I told the midwife , health visitor and the pediatrician about that. They all said "She is TINY...she is "F*&%$@ OK!!!!!"
NOW ... SHE IS DEAD!!!! OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOW come that nobody noticed that she was NOT OK!!!!!

Thisrabbitthatrabbit Fri 03-Mar-17 08:58:16

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl flowers when you can muster the courage a conversation with PALS might help you get some answers.

minmooch Sat 04-Mar-17 21:35:54

I'm so sorry. Do you have support in real life?

Please talk to us about your daughter.

S0dabread Sat 04-Mar-17 21:45:11

So so so sorry for your loss Sarah.

Birdsbeesandtrees Sat 04-Mar-17 21:48:13

That's so awful I am so sorry.

Talk as much as you need. If you feel up to it I would suggest you contact PALs and/or seek legal advice - I don't know much about how something like this would or should be investigated so maybe someone else will have better advice in a minute.

SpaceAnywhere Sat 04-Mar-17 21:56:04

I am so so sorry. Was this in the U.K.? What an unbearable loss am so so sorry.

MaryPoppinsPenguins Sat 04-Mar-17 21:58:45

I'm so incredibly sorry... do you have anyone supporting you in real life? flowers

FlissMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 04-Mar-17 22:21:23

Forgive us interrupting but we wanted to say a big thank you to all of you for your kind messages. We'll be keeping an eye on this thread to make sure the OP gets the support she needs. flowers

evilharpy Sat 04-Mar-17 22:25:57

I am so so sorry for your loss flowers do you have any support? Partner, family, friends?

AyeAmarok Sat 04-Mar-17 22:31:43

I'm so sorry Sara for your loss flowers

I hope you get some answers to help you to understand and come to terms with what happened to Lara. Are you getting any support in real life?

minmooch Sat 04-Mar-17 23:25:58

You may get a medical answer to why your DS passed away but there will always be questions.

I lost my eldest son to cancer three years ago. Although I know medically why he died I have never stopped questioning why? Why him? Why Cancer? Why did he not survive? This is the curse of the bereaved parent.

It is such early days for you. I think the shock from losing your child lasts a very long time. Even three years on I'm still in shock.

It is the wrong order of things. We should not outlive our own children.

Please be gentle on yourself.

sarahallakrodriguez Tue 07-Mar-17 16:51:45

I have contacted Pals and they be sending my notes and Lara's notes. I have a lot of questions.

sarahallakrodriguez Tue 07-Mar-17 17:54:15

YES, it has happened here in the UK. I am so devastated that I don't know where to start from. I guess I will be waiting for the post mortem repot
It is so overwhelming that I need ten brains in addition to mine to think with me. I don't want to miss something or to regret not doing something. Losing a child is so painful and the worst part is having no reply to my "WHY"

SophieofShepherdsBush Tue 07-Mar-17 17:58:26

flowers. So sorry Sara. I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

PurpleDaisies Tue 07-Mar-17 17:58:59

Sorry for your loss flowers

Havanaclub Mon 10-Apr-17 18:21:11

There are no words.

Anger is good. Gets answers. My heart goes out to you love. But there is nothing I can do really. So very sad, and I am so so sorry.

DoItTooJulia Mon 10-Apr-17 18:24:17

How long ago did this happen honey?

DoItTooJulia Mon 10-Apr-17 18:25:14

Gosh, sorry, I posted too soon. I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you have any IRL support? flowers

stopfuckingshoutingatme Tue 11-Apr-17 22:55:36

May she Rest In Peace

Your pain is palpable - I send my prayers for eventual healing your way - what a terrible unbearable
Loss. I am so sorry

Goingtobeawesome Thu 13-Apr-17 15:29:26

Medics need to listen to parents.

sarahallakrodriguez Sat 15-Apr-17 04:56:14

Dear ladies.. thank you for your support.. your words mean a lot at such a difficult time. The coroner thought that it was SIDS or cot death.
My question is how accurate can a post mortem be ???

TheDisillusionedAnarchist Sat 15-Apr-17 11:27:23

Postmortems are great for some things (genetic issues, very obvious heart defects) and useless for others. We spoke to a pathologist about what could be found and what couldn't on post-mortem. Your hospital could arrange this for you.

My daughter died at three months and the exact mechanism of her death is still unknown and likely always will be. We also had very poor care from medics. Sending you much love and happy to talk if you ever want to.

sarahallakrodriguez Sun 16-Apr-17 17:27:28

I am so sorry for your loss. No words can explain the pain that both of us are having. I totally agree that the post mortem was useless for our case. SIDS means that they were not able to determine the cause of death after it had happened. It does not mean anything else. It does not mean that we were not victims of a severe clinical negligence. At least this is what I believe in. I was told that it would be unnecessary procedure but they gave me no choice. It increased my pain and anxiety instead of helping me finding answers. They had there answers though that I did not kill my daughter. How ridiculous!!!
Have you thought of seeing the NHS? It is not that we are trying to put the blame on someone. I know that they did something wrong. Is there any organisation to revise and restudy these cases apart from listening to you moaning of the phone?
I need real action in real life.. I want real answers for my daughters death.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 17-Apr-17 06:24:22

I'm sorry, this all sounds terribly distressing flowers

picklemepopcorn Mon 17-Apr-17 07:33:29

I'm so sorry, Sara. I think PALS would be able to tell you how to get a review of your daughter's care.

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